Plucking Out Redundant Redundancies

Gary Wayne, 1991 Score

Gary Wayne. Pitcher. Twins. That's all I know so far. Let's find out more.

Gary, a happy-go-lucky southpaw (if that isn't redundancy),

WHAT DOES THAT EVEN MEAN? Honestly, what does that mean? All southpaws are happy-go-lucky, so it should go without saying? If so, a) that is a terrible stereotype -- oh, just because I'm left-handed (not me personally, thank God, weirdos) I don't have fears and anxieties like everyone else? -- and also b) nobody told this guy. I just ... I just don't know what this is supposed to mean.

gave the Twins strong middle relief after they plucked him out of the Montreal system

Confession: I hate the word "plucked" when used to describe obtaining the services of a human baseball player. Nevertheless.

Minnesota GM: We're looking for a happy-go-lucky southpaw.

Montreal GM: Aren't they all? Ha, ha, ha!

Minnesota GM: HAHAHAHAHA seriously though.

Montreal GM: We got a few middle reliever types in the system, but don't y'all go plucking from us!

Minnesota GM: Well, I mean ... that's the whole point of this conversation, no? I'll trade you Johnson, our 26-year-old no hit, all defense shortstop for ... shuffling through papers ... Gary Wayne.

Montreal GM: You dirty mother plucker ...

Minnesota GM: So ... does that mean it's a deal?

It was a chancy gamble

IF THAT ISN'T REDUNDANCY. Here is a baseball card that uses the parenthetical phrase "if that isn't redundancy" in a context that makes zero sense, and then in the very next sentence actually uses a redundant phrase without even, apparently, realizing it. If baseball cards were valued on ironic misuses of the word redundancy rather than the talent of the player featured, this card would be worth $700,000. CHANCY GAMBLE?

CHANCY GAMBLE? Am I the only one amazed by this? Sometimes I think I overanalyze the backs of my old baseball cards.

Anyway, let us discover why plucking Gary Wayne was a chancy gamble.

since he had suffered a stress fracture of his right foot three times in seventh months

Montreal GM: Before we sign on the dotted line here, I feel I should mention that Gary Wayne has had three right foot fractures in the past seven months.

Minnesota GM: That is ... weird. Does he have a right foot fracture problem?

Montreal GM: I'm sure it's just a coincidence. He's really happy-go-lucky.

Minnesota GM: Well, I didn't get into this line of work not to take chancy gambles.

Montreal GM: We're a dying breed, us two.

Dag

Randy McCament, 1990 Upper Deck

Daaaaaaaaaag, girl! Whatchu doin' all on the field like that? Baby girl, doncha know you're gonna get hurt out there! Walkin' around with them clothes on, actin' like you don't know what you're doing. You know, girl. You know. Pfft, I don't know what you're talking to HIM for ... must be a job requirement or somethin'. Why don't you come over here and holla at a REAL playa? I'll tell you what it's like to run out there in the seventh, runners on the corners, two outs, down by eight, crowd going crazy. Ain't too many that can handle that type of pressure, ya' know? You like that, baby? That impresses you? C'mere, lean in closer, I got another story for you ... starts french kissing back of hand ...

Roger Craig, Mngr: MCCAMENT!

Dag! What? I was just ... uh ... biting my cuticles or whatever ...

Craig: Stop slobbering all over yourself and get out there and stretch, will ya'!

Yeah, yeah, that's cool. That'll give me a chance to close this deal ...

What's up witchu?

No response.

That's cool, that's cool. Name's McCament, but you probably already knew that. No. 15 selection in June '85 draft. Led California League in saves with 19 while playing for Fresno in '86, no big deal. Should pretty much be a starter 'round here but, ya' know ... politics. Now I'm just cleaning up everyone's mess, like that guy over there. Points to John Burkett.

Burkett: Screw you, McCament.

We joke around here, bust each other's balls, ya' know? Guy stuff, no worries. Anyway, so uh ... where you taking that foxy body of yours after the game? Probably somewhere classy I bet, like a hotel bar. You mind if I tag along, buy you a spritzer? If you play your cards right, that is ...

Walks away.

That's cool, that's cool. I like this little game of cat and mouse. I mean, I wish you didn't have to go, but I sure don't mind watching ...

Craig: MCCAMENT!

Dag, what?

Craig: We're not posing for glamor shots around here! Stretch your groin unless you want to pull it sitting on the bench like last week ...

Rest of team laughs.

Dag, I TOLD you I pulled it having sex with like, four ladies at the same time. Pfft, whatever.

The Fred Manrique Story (short version)

Fred Manrique, 1990 Topps

Many people don't know this, but this is not Fred Manrique. This is Fred Armisen playing Fred Manrique in the Lifetime original movie, "The Fred Manrique Story: Well-Traveled and Playing Deep ... With Murder." It was sort of a dramedy. In the end though, he IS responsible for the murder. Oh, SPOILER.

According to Wikipedia:

The well-traveled Manrique was a solid second baseman with good range and a strong throwing arm that allowed him to play deep and steal hits.

I would like to mention that "hits" is embedded, in case -- while you are looking up baseball players on Wikipedia -- you realize you don't know what hits are and so you would like to click on it and see how Wikipedia defines hits. In fact, I'll wait while you do that ...








Hit (baseball)
From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
In baseball statistics, a hit (denoted by H), also called a base hit, is credited to a batter when the batter safely reaches first base after hitting the ball into fair territory, without the benefit of an error or a fielder's choice.








Countless times, Manrique's teammates thought he was playing too deep. They would shout, "Get off the grass, Manrique!" but Manrique wouldn't think anything of it because he was high as a mo fo (he's from Venezuela). Then the opposing team would hit the ball and Manrique would catch it and throw it to first base with his rocket arm, getting the runner out to the surprise of all and stealing a potential hit (see above).

Fred Manrique's full name is Fred Eloy Manrique Reyes. In some circles he was known as Eloy Reyes, like when he checked into hotels. Ya' know, because of the murder. That is all.

No Trouble With the Screw

 

Erik Hanson, 1989 Baseball Cards Magazine

Here is another baseball card that I did a terrible job of cutting out of Baseball Cards Magazine, which is a thing I used to subscribe to, I guess. Pictured here is ROOKIE STAR OF 1989, Erik Hanson, who looks as though he just -- like the second this picture was snapped -- experienced every phase of puberty all at once.

But if you think the front of this card is awesome, which it most certainly is not, let us then go all the way to the back.

We see here that Hanson's "home" is in Washington, but according to Wiki he grew up in my home state of New Jersey and attended Peddie High School. Now, I went to an all-boys Catholic high school in NJ and even I viewed Peddie as elitist. For example, it's not even referred to as, like I just did, Peddie High School, but only Peddie School. Barf. Stories about Peddie athletes were like folklore: "I heard Peddie got this new soccer player from Cambodia who is UNBELIEVABLE and whose dad is Pele." Sometimes we would play Peddie in a stupid sport like lacrosse or something, and they would arrive in a tricked-out, luxury charter bus with their school logo, and they'd walk out, kick our asses at lacrosse, and then leave. Also, they had girls there. Anyway, screw Peddie, is all I'm saying.

A dominant college pitcher who was passed over in the first round of the draft due to a nagging knee injury,

I'm not saying this statement is outright implying such, but I'm consistently offended by the implication that certain athletes with major question marks were not justified in being "passed over" in the draft. Whenever that athlete experiences a little success at the pro level, we're made to think organizations were dumb to pass them over. You didn't draft Erik Hanson in the first round because he had a nagging knee injury? I'm not hating on that. You passed on Gronk because his back was about to fall off? That's cool. You let Randy Moss slide because he's batsh*t crazy? All of this is okay with me, and I don't think we should be convinced otherwise.

Hanson arrived in a big way with the Mariners

Posting a sub-1 WHIP with a 3-to-1 K/BB ratio in his first three starts?

winning two of his first five major-league starts

Wow, that IS a big way. I'm sold! Could you imagine if he won three of five starts THAT WOULD BE INSANE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Hanson credits an attitude change in Double-A Chattanooga for his success, which resulted in a 12-7 record at Calgary last year.

Erik Hanson: This bus is dirty! I can't be ready to pitch under these conditions? Where is a payphone, I must call mother ...

Scooter Geetz, Manager, Chattanooga Chihuahas: Now listen here, young'n. Ain't too sure where ya'lls grew up and what ya'll there accustomed to, but 'round these here parts we don't have nuttin' handed to us. Hard work is all, scrappin' and puttin yer nose to the grind stone and what not. Now I here reckon if you don't get yer head on straight and go pitch out there like ya' mean it, it's gonna be a loooong season.

Erik Hanson: Thinks ... You're right. I am going to adjust my attitude starting right now. Hey you, black person -- give me a high five or whatever you call it!

Exciting montage of Hanson going 12-7, at end holds up award for "Best 12-7 Season, Calgary."

Still the question remains, what was Erik Hanson's most famous pitch?

Wikipedia notes that he was known for possessing an excellent curveball. The difference between a screwball and a curveball is that only the screwball can be represented through the profound cartoon imagery of throwing an absurdly large screw, which is illegal and which also would be impossible to throw for a strike or even near the plate. I know that because I've tried. I have a lot of screws in my garage and I don't what they are for.

Leaders of Men ... and Nothing

So in the mid-to-late 80s Fleer was putting out these League Leaders sets. I really hated them. They were so stupid.

I can't really pinpoint what exactly went wrong aesthetically ... oh wait, yes I can -- they were total ugz. I remember as a kid flipping through cards from these sets and just feeling depressed. Absolutely nothing about these cards inspired me. Their existence was pointless and inconsequential. Owning them was a burden. ("Other than that" joke in 3 ... 2 ... 1... ) Other than that they were awesome.

But what really irked me was that many of the players featured in these League Leaders sets DID NOT LEAD THE LEAGUE IN ANYTHING. I mean, surely some of them led the league in something at some point in their career, but that defies the purpose of putting out an annual League Leaders set.

To wit:

Keith Moreland led the league in ... upper thigh circumference.

Pete Rose led the league in ... most games as a player-manager, and most games wagered on, and ridonk bowl cuts, and also doubles (8).

Juan Samuel led the league in ... strikeouts. For real.

Willie Hernandez led the league in ... name changes.

Ozzie Smith led the league in ... slugging (.361). jk, lol.