Fuzzy for the Wrong Reasons

Notice that Panini used a piece of Scotch tape
to keep the card in the top loader. Not cool.

I'm new to this whole "redemption" game. Actually, that's not true. I've mailed away for cards in the past, it's just that the last time I did it was 1994 and I received the 1993-94 Upper Deck NBA Lottery Picks set in return. Never have I waited for an autographed card from a manufacturer. (Actually, that's not true, either. Back when I was doing TTM autographs, I sent a 1987 Topps checklist to Topps CEO Arthur Shorin to sign at Topps HQ. And he did. And I got it back and then promptly lost it in a stack of commons...) What I'm getting at here is that I had no idea what to expect from Panini after submitting a code on their website last fall for an autographed Chandler Parsons Past & Present draft pick card.

I went in with zero expectations. For one thing, I was surprised that Panini even accepted the code I inputted, if simply because the set came out in 2012 and I had missed the redemption deadline by at least a few months, if not a few years. I know how important the redemption game is to manufacturers: it's another way to differentiate from the competition. Saying that, I expected a "Sorry, you're too late" message. I guess though that if your redemptions are "always on," so to speak, your customers will take notice. And while I profess a certain level of innocence, I'm no slouch. I've read blogs and articles about waiting for redemption cards, and the trials and tribulations of receiving the wrong cards, or poorly signed cards, or whatever.

Which leads me to the card I received a few days ago. It's signed by someone whose first names starts with a "C," that much is for certain. I can even make our a "25," and Parsons is shown in his #25 Rockets uniform, so I would suppose that the signature is that of the card's subject, Chandler Parsons. But the signature looks like it went through the wash, or was signed in a sauna. It's blurred on the edges, which is too bad. I mean, I did send away for the card after the purported redemption period had ended, and it would stand to reason that most, if not all of the signed cards for this promotion had been redeemed already, so all that was left was the dregs, the sloppies, and the cards signed with a pen about to run out of ink.

So I can't really complain. Besides, it got me thinking: What if manufacturers paid MLB, or the NBA, or NFL, or whichever league, to have its players sign cards during a game? It could be during halftime, or while their team is at bat. Since every game is televised, showing players busily signing sports cards would be whimsical cutaways for broadcasters. "Well, Bob, there's Kevin Durant, Russell Westbrook, and their Thunder teammates signing cards for Panini's 2016-17 NBA Hoops," or "It looks like Clayton Kershaw has found a way to stay loose between starts, Joe: He's down in the dugout signing cards for 2016 Topps baseball cards!... That's right, Harold. Fans, look for autographed cards of your favorite stars randomly inserted into packs of 2016 Topps Baseball..." If teams can sell out their coaches and managers for telecast interviews during a game, there's no reason players' downtime should be off-limits.

Much like my plan for turning broken bats into game-used memorabilia cards, complete with game date–stamping, I expect this idea will also be ignored. But what makes these ideas unique is that they solve the problem of poor quality: there would already be so much documentation of the materials that went into making the cards that the quality of the bat shaving itself—or in this case, signature—would be of less importance than the act of its creation. As I understand it, the actual "game-used memorabilia" that go into relic cards are rarely, if ever, actually used in a live game. Similarly, autographed cards are signed in marathon sessions done in the off-season by players sitting at a conference table with bottles of water nearby. These things, which should be overflowing with the implied "love of the game," are in fact created in sterile environments with sterile materials by men who are late for their tee times.

What I'm saying is, it all could be so much more. That Chandler Parsons autograph should be fuzzy—not because the pen was running out of ink or the Panini intern set his bottle of water down on it, but because a sweaty Parsons should've signed it in the Rockets' locker room during halftime of a nationally televised game. You want us to be excited about your products? Make your cards mean something.

5 Things I Want to See in 2015

As we wrap up 2014, instead of reflecting on this year's hobby highlights, I'm looking ahead to what I want to see in 2015.

1. More old brands resurrected from the mid-1990s junk wax heap. Did you collect Upper Deck's Fleer Retro basketball set? Or what about Topps Archives baseball or football? Or Pinnacle baseball? As long as the hobby's hurtling down mid-1990s memory lane, let's go all out. I've already advocated for a throwback Studio set (complete with mullet wigs). But what about 1992's Topps Kids? It could work as a short standalone set, large insert set for a set like Topps Opening Day, or part of a tongue-in-cheek Topps Archives offering.

2. No more relic cards. Dear Card Companies, Nobody cares about these. Relic cards don't hold value. Stop including them in your products. Or if that's too radical, make relic cards better. What about stamping them with the game date when they were used? Or better yet, make them memorable. Nobody in their right mind should be excited about receiving a tiny square of David Freese's away jersey. But what if you compressed a jersey or autographed t-shirt into the size of a jumbo pack? I will definitely be excited about pulling an autographed David Freese Angels t-shirt out of my blaster box from Target.

3. Fewer parallels. Do collectors really want endless parallels of the same card? Red, green, blue, camo, pink, black, printing plates, red backs, green backs—the list goes on and on. I'm convinced that if we continue down this path, there will be more serial-numbered cards manufactured than non-serial-numbered cards. Yes, there may be less of each produced, but so what? There are so many different sets produced each year, each with their own parallels, that there aren't enough collectors in the world for these cards to retain their "value." This is already a slippery slope. Let's not slide all the way into the abyss.

4. A food set. I'd like to see the MLBPA, NBAPA, NFLPA, NHLPA, or heck, even MLS strike a deal with a consumer goods company to put cards on food products like cereal, granola bars, yogurt-cup six-packs, whatever. It would be good for sports, and good for collecting. I don't expect a gigantic 200-card set like the old Post Cereal baseball sets from the early 1960s, but a 40 to 60–card set would do the trick. I know I'm not alone in wanting to see this.

5. More videos from the card manufacturers—and not of box breaks. Topps, if you're reading this, you should create a series of videos of no more than five minutes in length, each showcasing a milestone in the company's history (like the revolutionary printing process that created Topps Finest in 1993), but without compromising the company's trade secrets. Have you ever read the story of how the Apple designers created the prototype iPod? I've read it many times, and it never gets boring. The same would be true of how the wizards at Topps created Topps Finest.

How to Make Relics Mean Something Again

Here's a funny thing to consider: the term "relic" means something from a bygone era, or of historical interest. Only recently has it taken on the connotations of game-used memorabilia. And only really recently has the term come to mean both: cards with game-used jersey swatches and bat shavings are in such proliferation that the idea no longer seems fresh.

So how do we remedy the situation? There's the argument that companies create less of these cards, but telling someone interested in making a profit to create less of something rings too naive. Instead, what if companies begin Game-Date Stamping?

A year ago I was all up in arms because Topps rammed the Generation NOW insert set down the hobby's throat. But there was an interesting idea at the root of those cards: the celebration of an individual achievement. The problem was that it was replicated ad nauseam. But what if companies married the two––relic cards and Generation NOW--together?

I read yesterday that Major League Baseball is asking teams to collect all the bats that break over the course of this season. Card companies should buy up those broken bats, keep records of those games in which they broke, and then serial-stamp the date of the game onto cards containing a shaving of the broken bat.

Let me put it another way. Which would you rather have: A bat card of Jason Varitek, or a bat card of Jason Varitek stamped with the game date of the bat's final use? I think Game-Date Stamping would inject life into the state of game-used memorabilia cards.

Midseason Notes

• Forget the heroin addiction for a moment and just approach Josh Hamilton's three-year absence as simply a three-year hole in his career. There are very few players who've been able to rebound from an absence of that length. Ted Williams immediately comes to mind, as he missed three years to serve in WWII. There's simply no comparison between the two in a pure statistical sense, as Hamilton, despite his pedigree, was nothing special before he left the game in 2002. The longest absence? Has to be Minnie Minoso, who wound down his career in 1964 with the White Sox, only to make a brief 3 game appearance with the team in 1976 (12 years later), and then for 2 more games in 1980.

• One more note on Hamilton: When was the last time there was a trade when both players ended up as first-time All-Stars the very next season?

• Let's talk about hype for a second. Who does Jay Bruce remind you of more: Ken Griffey, Jr., or Kevin Maas? Actually, Bruce will have to go on a home run tear if I want to compare him to Maas. Right now I guess he's just Mini-Maas.

• Is anyone else curious about how relic cards are made? Do machines manufacture them? I'd have to think certain ones are hand-crafted, like those in the Hair Cut series. I'd like to see one of the card companies put an informational video on youtube about the making of relic cards.

• Will tonight's All-Star Game be as good as the turkey sandwich I had for lunch? I think I'll root for the National League to take the lead in the ninth against Rivera. If they win, that means the Red Sox will be able to clinch the 2008 World Series at Fenway instead of on the road like last year. Good times all around.