Randy McCament, 1990 Upper Deck
Daaaaaaaaaag, girl! Whatchu doin' all on the field like that? Baby girl, doncha know you're gonna get hurt out there! Walkin' around with them clothes on, actin' like you don't know what you're doing. You know, girl. You know. Pfft, I don't know what you're talking to HIM for ... must be a job requirement or somethin'. Why don't you come over here and holla at a REAL playa? I'll tell you what it's like to run out there in the seventh, runners on the corners, two outs, down by eight, crowd going crazy. Ain't too many that can handle that type of pressure, ya' know? You like that, baby? That impresses you? C'mere, lean in closer, I got another story for you ... starts french kissing back of hand ...
Roger Craig, Mngr: MCCAMENT!
Dag! What? I was just ... uh ... biting my cuticles or whatever ...
Craig: Stop slobbering all over yourself and get out there and stretch, will ya'!
Yeah, yeah, that's cool. That'll give me a chance to close this deal ...
What's up witchu?
No response.
That's cool, that's cool. Name's McCament, but you probably already knew that. No. 15 selection in June '85 draft. Led California League in saves with 19 while playing for Fresno in '86, no big deal. Should pretty much be a starter 'round here but, ya' know ... politics. Now I'm just cleaning up everyone's mess, like that guy over there. Points to John Burkett.
Burkett: Screw you, McCament.
We joke around here, bust each other's balls, ya' know? Guy stuff, no worries. Anyway, so uh ... where you taking that foxy body of yours after the game? Probably somewhere classy I bet, like a hotel bar. You mind if I tag along, buy you a spritzer? If you play your cards right, that is ...
Walks away.
That's cool, that's cool. I like this little game of cat and mouse. I mean, I wish you didn't have to go, but I sure don't mind watching ...
Dag, what?
Craig: We're not posing for glamor shots around here! Stretch your groin unless you want to pull it sitting on the bench like last week ...
Rest of team laughs.
Dag, I TOLD you I pulled it having sex with like, four ladies at the same time. Pfft, whatever.
2 comments:
You are a genius.
Okay troy, now I KNOW you're crazy. (Crazy like a ROCK STAR.) Although I appreciate that, very much so!
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