Casting Agent: "Baker's Dozen"

For this Sunday's game of Casting Agent, I've picked the shoot-em-up genre, made-for-TV–movie variety. For those readers who are unfamiliar with Casting Agent, the object of the game is to cast a TV show, movie, or play based on the photographs used on baseball cards.

So this week I've got a stack of cards that I think would be perfect for an ensemble made-for-TV movie, one I'm calling Baker's Dozen. It's your garden-variety ensemble of misfits teaming up to vanquish the baddie while overcoming their differences type film. With a high body count. 

"A" Plot: When a secretly corrupt U.S. Senator and his mistress get taken hostage by a band of pirates off the coast of Africa, the president calls for a clean rescue. There's only one group who can handle the assignment: Baker's Dozen—Sargent Don Baker (ret.) and his 12 super soldiers. There's just one problem: their last assignment was five years ago, it didn't end well, and there was a falling out with the men.  

"B" Plot: The president's son is in cahoots with the pirates. 

Characters

Warren Giles as Senator Griggs

Gene Woodling as retired Sargent Don Baker

Jose Laboy as Jax aka "Number 1," member of Baker's Dozen
Civilian job: Owns a chain of car washes in California

Paul Serna as Univac aka "Number 2," member of Baker's Dozen
Civilian job: Engineer for Department of Defense

Brian McRae as Hobo John aka "Number 3," member of Baker's Dozen
Civilian job: Is a hobo

Tommy Harper as Smooth aka "Number 4," member of Baker's Dozen

Civilian job: Sells ladies' shoes at a department store in Omaha

Turk Farrell as Fingers aka "Number 5," member of Baker's Dozen

Civilian job: Gifted concert pianist, travels the world over

Jerry Lumpe as Bloodmaker aka "Number 6," member of Baker's Dozen

Civilian job: Works as a butcher in the meatpacking district of New York City

Shane Mack as Fuzz aka "Number 7," member of Baker's Dozen

Civilian job: Tour guide at the Getty in Los Angeles

Ryan Howard as Furlough aka "Number 8," member of Baker's Dozen

Civilian job: Traffic cop in Chicago

Joe Adcock as The Canadian aka "Number 9," member of Baker's Dozen

Civilian job: International figure-skating judge, representing Canada

George Foster as Ugly Pete aka "Number 10," member of Baker's Dozen

Civilian job: Chuck Berry impersonator on a Branson riverboat

Don Newcombe as Pops aka "Number 11," member of Baker's Dozen

Civilian job: junior U.S. Senator representing the great state of New Mexico

Whitey Lockman as Slim aka "Number 12," member of Baker's Dozen

Civilian job: Runs a chop shop in Louisville, Kentucky

Barry Bonds as Etienne, the lead Pirate

with Jimmie Dykes as the President

and Bart Johnson as the President's son

Casting Agent: "Breaking In"

It's Sunday, which must mean it's time for another round of Casting Agent, everybody's favorite baseball-card game. The rules: You choose, based on the photograph on the front of their baseball card, the perfect candidate for each role in a film or television show.

Musical television series seem to be popular these days, what with Glee and Smash and, well, maybe that's it. Could that mean that the premise is ripe for a third show? Today I'm casting "Breaking In," a sports operetta and star vehicle for real-life big-league brothers Paul and Rick Reuschel. Think of it as an all-singing The Bank Job meets Friday Night Lights.


"A" Plot: College World Series–winning teammates and twins Paul and Rick are drafted by the same major-league team. The twins are going in opposite directions—Rick's going to be a star and Paul rides the pine.

"B" Plots: The manager masterminds a series of bank robberies—committed by the veterans on the team—in the cities where the team is playing. Paul is making in-roads with the veterans' criminal schemes, while Rick is against the idea of committing a crime.

Characters

1977 Topps Big League Brothers Paul/Rick Reuschel

Paul and Rick Reuschel as Paul and Rick, twins with different baseball destinies

1976 Topps Bill Greif

Bill Greif as Wayne, Rick's pitching rival and team-bus getaway driver

1993 Stadium Club/Ultra Pro Barry Bonds

Barry Bonds as Lamar, a good-natured, generous veteran outfielder and safe-cracker

1980 Topps Bo McLaughlin

Bo McLaughlin as Manager Schnute, former major-league All-Star managing on his laurels. Also criminal mastermind.

1976 Topps Jim Bibby

Jim Bibby as Zero Sampson, veteran pitcher and do-gooder morally opposed to team's criminal activity.

1976 Topps Mike Tyson

Mike Tyson as Rifle Baby, tough-as-nails shortstop and sharpshooter enforcer

1987 Donruss Bob James

Bob James as Country Gold, veteran relief pitcher and loose cannon

Ridiculous boudoir photo of Frank Thomas masquerading as a trading card, 1993 Donruss Studio

Frank Thomas as The Big Hurt, power-hitting first baseman and muscle-bound enforcer

1981 Fleer Dave Parker

Dave Parker as Cobra, a legendary criminal con man, known for banking nearly $10 million in an unprecedented string of 57 daring robberies; special advisor to the team

Giant sticks?

1993 Upper Deck Team Stars Checklist

There’s something about the back-to-the-camera-during-the-National-Anthem sports photograph that I love so dearly. The facelessness of it. The patriotism. It makes me feel all tingly inside. Is that wrong? Then I don’t want to be right.

A few things stand out about this particular shot. First, that is one helluva middle of the order. I mean, it’s one thing to see these guys trot to the batter’s box one after the other, but seeing them together, physically -– not just in a lineup card -– is quite impactful. It’s no surprise the Giants won 103 games in ’93 (missing the playoffs). Second, all of these guys are going bald, or are already bald. This is apropos of nothing, but it reminds me of the first time I saw Will Clark take off his helmet as a kid and, for whatever reason, I began to like him a little bit less. I don’t know why. I wish he had just shaved his head like the other two. Whatever. Third, the fact that two of the men here are noted performance enhancing drug users definitely takes away from the romanticism of this card. It’s ’93 and Bonds is looking kinda big already. I’m just saying. Why couldn’t the two of them just do it naturally, and be injured all the time and bald gracefully like Will Clark?

Anyhoo, this card is a checklist.



When I originally turned this over I assumed this Team Stars checklist was a checklist for the regular ’93 Upper Deck set. But it turns out, it seems, that Team Stars is its own special series with its own checklist, as evidenced by the fact that this card is # 471, but the Team Stars card entitled “Giant Sticks” is # 476. I can’t imagine that there is different card entitled “Giant Sticks” that is not this one, which simply features a few players who carry giant sticks but do not play for the Giants because, Upper Deck figured, “Why does everything have to be a play on words?” But if that were the case, and all of our preconceptions were thrown out the window, we could then speculate that the title of this card is “The Royal Tenen-bombs.”*

I would also like to take this time to commend whoever came up with the name “Giant Sticks.” Bravo. That none of these three men are actually holding bats in this picture, and that we cannot see their torsos makes the mind race with only baseball-related wonder.

In perusing this checklist, it’s fairly simple to deduce which players these card titles may feature, although I could probably do without “Boyhood Friends,” which is too Hallmarky and weird for my tastes. (Yes, I have a distinct palate for checklist cards.) I am particularly fond however, of the Team Stars card entitled “Les Grandes Etoiles,” which is French for “The Great Mariners” and which features, I imagine, a picture of Wade Boggs and Roberto Alomar fishing.

*I am aware that movie had yet to be released in 1993. Just humor me.

792 1980's Topps Cards Can't Be Wrong

It's Tuesday night, which can only mean one thing: time for numbers 401 through 450 of The 792!

For God's sake, try to contain your excitement!

401. Mark McGwire Team USA Olympic, 1985 (RC)
402. Tony Gwynn NL AS, 1988
403. Cory Snyder Team USA Olympic, 1985 (RC)
404. Phillies World Series Celebration, 1981
405. Roger Maris Turn Back the Clock 1961, 1986
406. Paul Molitor, 1980
407. Steve Bedrosian NL AS, 1988
408. John Mizerock, 1987
409. Marvis Foley, 1983
410. Phil Niekro, 1983
At the top of this checklist, I noted that my goal was not to create a Pete Rose's or Nolan Ryan's Greatest Hits type set. It turns out that some stars were consistently given off-numbers, like Paul Molitor, Ozzie Smith, and Robin Yount. Granted, I probably would have included more Roses and Ryans, but they fell on 2nd tier numbers almost across the board (1987 being a rogue checklist; Nolan Ryan on #757? WTF?). A guy who was given a 2nd tier number consistently was Phil Niekro. And how do you say no to Phil Niekro? You don't, that's how.

411. Houston Jimenez, 1984
412. Britt Burns, 1981 (RC)
413. Moose Haas, 1987
414. John McNamara, 1988 (MGR)
415. Ron Darling, 1985 (RC)
416. Fred Lynn, 1989
417. John Franco, 1985 (RC)
418. Alan Knicely, 1986
419. Tom Hume, 1981
420. Will Clark, 1987 (RC)
If I ever write a book on checklisting, there will definitely be a chapter entitled 'The Greatest Crimes in Checklisting,' and near the top of my list will be how Topps did not include Will Clark and Barry Larkin in the 1985 Team USA Olympic subset. His regular-issue rookie in 1987 was a huge deal in 1987. I thought I'd be able to retire from the riches bestowed upon me thanks to having doubles of this card. Alas, it was no to be.

421. Al Oliver Super Veteran, 1983
422. George Cappuzello, 1983
423. John Smiley, 1988 (RC)
424. Yankees Team, 1980
425. Tom Seaver, 1987
426. Orioles Leaders, 1984
427. Paul Kilgus, 1988 (RC)
428. Max Venable, 1986
429. Tim Pyznarski, 1987 (RC)
Pyznarski's only Topps card.

430. Mike Schmidt, 1987
The Mike Schmidt With A Boner Card. Classic.

431. Gary Gaetti, 1983 (RC)
432. Len Barker, 1981
433. Ed Hearn, 1987 (RC)
434. Harold Baines, 1984
435. Robin Yount, 1982
436. Andy Allanson, 1987 (RC)
437. Andy Benes #1 Draft Pick, 1989 (RC)
438. Joe Torre, 1985 (MGR)
439. Dave Righetti, 1982 (RC)
440. Steve Bedrosian, 1988
441. Whitey Herzog, 1986 (MGR)
The Whitey Herzog With The Kid'N'Play Flat-Top Haircut Card.

442. Tom Bolton, 1988 (RC)
Now that the Red Sox have held onto Bucholz, Lester, et al, which one of them will be known as the Tom Bolton of his generation?

443. Bill Buckner, 1986
444. Cal Ripken, Sr., 1988 (MGR)
445. Mark Fidrych, 1980
446. Chuck Finley, 1987 (RC)
447. Tom Brunansky, 1984
448. Darrell Porter In Action, 1982
449. Pat Dodson, 1987 (RC)
450. Barry Bonds, 1988
A few posts ago I hinted that it was unprecedented for Topps to reward Barry Bonds with a 2nd tier number in his rookie year, only to elevate him further in his second year. This is not the case. If you look at 1987 and 1988 more closely, Bo Jackson was on #170 for his regular-issue rookie, then given #750 in 1988, his second year. So really Topps's man-crush wasn't just on Barry Bonds. They spread the love around.


As always, luxuriate in the visuals with Cardboard Junkie.

When We Last Left The 792...

The further I get into this checklist, the more I realize that this is actually a pretty easy set to put together. Dave over at Cardboard Junkie has been supplying the scans, in numerical order, and with his visual guide as a cheat sheet, you could put together the set for about $100. Not bad, considering it's supposed to be the 'perfect' set of the decade. Whether you want to invest the time is another matter entirely.

Speaking of time, here's the next fifty-card installment from The 792.

#301 - 350

301. Reggie Jackson In Action, 1982
302. Dodger Future Stars, 1981
303. Juan Berenguer, 1987
304. Mike Gallego (RC), 1986
305. Don Sutton, 1982
306. Dodger Leaders, 1984
307. Dave Sax, 1986
308. Jesus Vega, 1983
309. Mike Witt, 1985
310. Dave Parker, 1980
311. Rickey Henderson Turn Back the Clock, 1987
312. Reggie Jackson Turn Back the Clock, 1987
313. Gary Gray, 1983
314. Frank Pastore, 1986
315. Kirk Gibson (RC), 1981
316. Sammy Khalifa, 1986
317. Tom Nieto, 1988
318. Ted Simmons, 1985
319. Greg Swindell (RC), 1987
320. Barry Bonds (RC), 1987
I want to speak about the fact that not only was Bonds given a 2nd Tier number for his regular-issue rookie card, but in 1988 he was put on #450. That's just unheard of for a 2nd year player. Well, we can't call them inconsistent: The love affair between Topps and Bonds seems to have been a career-long infatuation.

321. Earl Weaver (MGR), 1986
322. John Smiley, 1989
Smiley always looked like he was wishing evil things on the photographer. He also resembled Jimbo from The Simpsons.

323. Bill Lee, 1982
324. Alejandro Pena (RC), 1984
325. Von Hayes, 1983
How come there isn't a well-known indie rock band called 'Von Hayes' yet?

326. Mark Gubicza, 1987
Or 'Gubicza'? "Hello, Cleveland! We're Gubicza and we've come to rock!"

327. Mark Lemke (RC), 1989
328. Twins Team, 1980
329. Kirby Puckett, 1986
330. Eric Davis, 1989
331. Alan Ashby, 1986
332. Lee Lacy, 1981
333. Willie Hernandez, 1985
334. Dave LaPoint, 1988
This card of LaPoint is in the Top 10 Greatest Achievements in the Field of Airbrushing.

335. Willie McCovey, 1980
336. Mariners Leaders, 1984
337. Pete Rose NL AS, 1982
338. Bob Owchinko, 1983
339. Mike Schmidt NL AS, 1982
340. Cal Ripken, Jr, 1986
341. Dwayne Murphy, 1981
342A.+B. George Foster NL AS, 1982
343. Gary Sheffield (RC), 1989
344. Gary Carter NL AS, 1982
This is a great card of Carter where he's sporting clown hair plastered underneath the bowl-cut Expos batting helmet.

345. Donnie Moore, 1986
346. Tom Seaver NL AS, 1982
My spellcheck doesn't recognize 'Seaver.' You'd think that there would be a few names Microsoft would've programmed in, like Seaver, DiMaggio, Ripken, Koufax, Clemente. Instead only names like Einstein, Rembrandt, and Gandhi make the cut. Not even Van Gogh. 'Blyleven' I understand, but 'Van Gogh'? Seriously?

347. Teddy Higuera (RC), 1986
348. Carmelo Martinez, 1987
349. Domingo Ramos, 1985
350. Will Clark, 1988

Don't you worry, there's plenty more where this came from.
More checklist from The 792 to come!