November 07, 2007

Fantastic Card of the Day:
Bo Jackson, 1991 Topps Traded

I've never seen anyone look so depressed about leaving the Kansas City Royals. Poor Melancholy Bo, sittin there in his Ray-Bans and gripping what is either a towel that he chews between innings like Jerry Tarkanian or a screenplay to his life story.

I definitely see this image as the first frame of a low-key, woe-is-me musical montage in Bo Knows: The Bo Jackson Story where Bo breaks into a heartfelt, smooth-as-velvet rendition of "My Funny Valentine." The montage would show him in the dugout, in post-game interview in the locker room, staring off into space while dining alone after hours at a swank restaurant (with all the waiters lined up behind him, just like in The Godfather), and sitting by a window in a smoking jacket with a glass of wine on a rain-soaked night.

At the end of the montage, he'd probably be out walking his lovable Jack Russell terrier when he bumps into Robin Givens or Vivica Fox and his life is changed forever. And of course before the movie ends there's a scene where he's sitting on his bed in his basement apartment, practicing scales on his trumpet in his tried-and-true wife beater and bathrobe, cane resting beside him.

Like most kids my age, my admiration for Bo Jackson was legendary. I mean, this guy could do it all. And then all of a sudden he was just another player. And then, not too long after that, he was retired, shaken up by bad knees. I want there to be a made-for-TV movie done about his life, replete with the requisite son or grandson-on-knee not stealing/not having sex/not fighting/good grades/visitation rights speech that starts "You think you know?" and ends with (of course) "Bo's been there. Bo knows."

I'm thinking we could get Jamie Foxx to play Bo, and if he doesn't want to stoop to the small screen, then I guess we could settle for 50 Cent. Get Rich or Die Tryin' didn't fare so well, and going up against Kanye West didn't really pan out, either. Doing a cut-rate Bo Jackson biopic might just net him the international fame he's always dreamt of winning.


Rob said...

Now I'm picturing a made-for-TV baseball version of Raging Bull. Do they have a Lifetime Movie Network for men?

Popa Eugen said...

:) that's a good one Rob