Besties

Mike Piazza, 1995 Upper Deck

Eric Karros: This guy is just too good at baseball! Argh! I’m going to strangle him with my baseball bat!

Mike Piazza: Ha, ha … dude, I’m on your team, don’t do it!

Karros: I don’t care, argh! Strangle … ha, ha!

Piazza: Ha … clears throat. Alright, man, that's enough. See you out there in a bit.

Cameraman: Hey, wait a minute. I like that good-natured ribbing about you wanting to strangle him with your bat. Can you come back here and do that again?

Karros: Oh, man, I don’t know. This is Mike’s card. I don’t want to be a card bomber. I mean … Mike?

Piazza: Oh, uh … no, man. Doesn’t really matter to me. You uh … sure that’s the shot you want? Him about to strangle me with a bat?

Cameraman: Oh yeah, it’s perfect. Since this is your All-Star card, my original thought was to have you heroically hitting a mammoth home run off into the distant sky, your muscles bulging out of your crisp uniform, mustache glistening in the setting sun. But now I think it would be better if we just had Eric Karros playfully trying to choke you with his bat.

Karros: You know, Mike, it would be cool to show everyone how well we get along. We ARE pretty much best friends ...

Cameraman: Exactly.

Piazza: Yeah, I mean, well ... okay, maybe I wouldn't say best friends, but I guess it would be nice to show kids I don't hate you or anything. Do you think kids assume I don't get along with Eric, like we need a contrived photo shoot to prove it?

Karros: Well, ya' know, I don't like mustaches, you do. I use a black bat, you use a brown bat. People may assume we reside at opposite ends of the clubhouse and that we don't we don't playfully bust each others' balls. But hey, if you're not comfortable, Mike, it's f--

Piazza: Oh NO, NO, NO. That's not it at all. I just ... my only worry is that kids may assume this is a checklist card, and not my own All-Star card, that's all.

Cameraman: Is that ... is that really a concern of yours?

Piazza: I mean, yeah, a little bit. I remember how much checklist cards sucked from when I was a kid, and I don't want some kid to assume this is a checklist card, NOT turn it over, and then never discover what awesome stat of mine you put on the back, ya' know? That's all.

Cameraman: I'll make sure everyone knows it's your All-Star card, m'kay?

Piazza: Just ... you're not gonna use a term on the back like "playfully bust each others' balls," are you?

Cameraman: I won't do that. I don't think I will do that.

Piazza: Okay, alright, that's fine, that's fine. Let's uh ... let's do this then, I guess.

Karros: Argh, gonna strangle this guy!

Piazza: Alright, Eric, whoa, hang on! He's not even ready yet. Relax, dude. And can you back up with that thing? You're supposed to be pretend choking me.

Karros: Yeah, okay, my bad. Just trying to recapture the moment.

Cameraman: Alright, the two of you, smile! Say "besties!"

Piazza: Through smiling teeth ... If this comes back to haunt me I am seriously going to stick that bat up your a--

Karros: Through smiling teeth ... BESTIES!

UPDATE: Note that I had Eric Karros as Brett Butler before astute reader and non-idiot JasonP alerted me to the error. I honestly can't tell them apart in this picture even though Brett Butler was 50 years old every year.