October 30, 2013

'No Sweat' Love, Rance

Everybody can just CHILL OUT cause I got some Rance Mulliniks for that a$$.

 Rance Mullinks, 1988 Bowman

Here is Rance Mulliniks. This is vintage Bowman Rance, so if you want to know how many triples he had against the Royals (0) in 1988 as opposed to the Rangers (0), just flip the card over, homeboy. But I don't recommend doing so because:

I feel like the flesh-holed, mock long-sleeve practice jersey was made specifically with Rance Mulliniks in mind. You think he's sweating in that thing? I don't think so, homeskillet. Probably because he's only posing for a picture and not actually playing, and because it's spring time, and because of the breathable flesh holes, and also because he's Rance Mulliniks.

Rance Mulliniks didn't sweat the small stuff when he had 972 hits from 1977-1992. Also when his manager was like, "Lance, yer battin' for Johnson, git off yer kiester!" Lance was like, "No sweat. My name is Rance though."

According to Wikipedia, In 1984 he ("he" meaning Rance Mulliniks, the person I am talking about here, not a different person) was named to Sports Illustrated's Dream Team as a utility infielder. Listen, I'm not gonna sit here and poke fun at being named to a dream team of utility infielders. We're talking about .00000000001 percent of the general population that's even talented enough to be awarded such an honor, homeslice. Utility infielders are important. Very important. The most important, arguably. It's like, why don't they just make the entire airplane out of utility infielders?

Seriously though. Here is my own personal dream team of utility infielders (it should be noted that in my dream all the utility infielders are wearing Ronald Reagan masks for some reason and they are all sitting on the bench waiting to get into the game, which never happens because my alarm went off):

-Rance Mulliniks
-Luis Sojo
-That guy whathisname from the Braves or whatever
-Rance Mulliniks again

I'll go to bat that squad any day, homegirl. J/k I wouldn't do that. But still.


Duane said...

I think every mention of Rance Mulliniks requires a reference to platoon mate Garth Iorg or as I called them Gance Mullinorg. There were two interesting early 80s infield platoons along with Timry Flanster being the other. That would be the Padres SS platoon of Tim Flannery and Jerry Royster. Of course I may be the only person who thought those platoons were interesting.

mkenny59 said...

Duane: Gance Mullinorg? That is ... the greatest thing I've ever heard. I apologize for failing to mention Garth Iorg, especially since his '86 Topps card was actually the very first card I ever wrote up way back many years ago. Suffice it to say, Garth is as near and dear to me as his platoon mate, Rance. Anyway, thanks, Duane!