Rafael Palmeiro, 1994 Topps Stadium Club "Home Run Club"
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J/K IT'S THE HOME RUN CLUB, Y'ALL.
Q: What does one have to do to get into HR Club?
A: HIT HOME RUNS.
Q: How many home runs, specifically?
A: LOTS OF 'EM, WE'LL BE THE JUDGE, OKAY?
Q: Any other requirements?
A: BIG FOREARMS/TWO PLUS YEARS EXPERIENCE AT DOUBLES CLUB.
Q: What's the first rule of HR Club?
A: WIPE YOUR FEET BEFORE ENTERING.
Q: So it's an actual club with a physical headquarters?
A: NO. COMMON FREAKING COURTESY.
Q: What's the second rule of HR Club?
A: LOVE THY NEIGHBOR/HIT HOME RUNS.
Q: That's two rules.
A: THERE ARE NO RULES.
Q: How do you know if someone belongs to HR Club so you can show him the proper respect?
A: HE OR SHE J/K HE WILL WEAR A BADGE WITH A PHOTO OF HIMSELF TAPED TO IT IN WHICH HE IS DISPLAYING HIS MASSIVE FOREARMS AND LOOKING OFF MENACINGLY INTO THE DISTANCE.
Q: Can't anyone make one of those?
A: IT WILL HAVE A SEAL. AND IT WILL BE RAFAEL PALMEIRO.
Q: Any perks to being a member of HR Club?
A: GET INTO ANY PARTICIPATING REAL CLUB LIKE KNIGHTS OF COLUMBUS OR MISTY'S NIGHTCLUB OR WHATEVER FOR FREE; 15 PERCENT OFF AT KOHLS WHEN YOU USE YOUR KOHLS CARD.
Q: When was HR Club established?
A: DON'T HAVE TO WAIT AT LINE AT GREAT ADVENTURE ON TUESDAYS, IS ANOTHER PERK I FORGOT TO MENTION EARLIER.
Q: Does home run club have a motto?
A: "THIS AIN'T YOUR MOTHER'S HOME RUN CLUB" OR "GO BACK TO SLAP-HITTER'S CLUB" OR "PFFT" STILL WORKING ON IT.
Q: According to this card, Rafael Palmeiro hit 37 home runs in 1993 and is a member of HR Club. Is there anything else this card has to offer in the way of information?
Q: Thank you.
A: NOT A QUESTION.