Triple Play

                                          Kevin Brown, 1992 Donruss "Triple Play" series

This beauty right here is part of Donruss' "Triple Play" series. A triple play is when you get three guys out on one play. Donruss captured the essence of the triple play with this here picture of Kevin Brown pitching. Did this very pitch induce a dramatic and rare triple play? VERY unlikely, although I bet there were guys on base with zero outs. It probably induced a home run that induced Kevin Brown to punch something. Still though. TRIPLE PLAY. I like these primary and secondary colors. Very soothing. Let's check out the back to find out more about the triple play.

THE FIRST SPRING TRAINING BY A PROFESSIONAL TEAM IS BELIEVED TO BE BY THE CHICAGO NATIONAL LEAGUE TEAM IN 1886.

Interesting AND relevant. I always wondered, "Which professional team was the first ever to practice in March," and now I sort of know the answer! I like the term "believed to be" when used without any indication of who believes it. Let's just assume Kevin Brown himself researched this little tidbit while executing a triple play, since there is nary a mention elsewhere on this card about Kevin Brown or a triple play. Nevertheless, boy, I wish I could have seen the looks on the faces of the guys on the Chicago National League Team when Smokey "Too Drunk" Filmore suggested they practice baseball during huntin' season! History is hilarious.

Anyway, so it looks like Kevin Brown did not have a great year in '91, walking 90 and striking out 96. That is a 96/90 strikeout-to-walk ratio, which means that for every 96 guys he struck out, he walked 90. Talk about a triple play!

Kevin Brown is one of the most popular players to ever wear a Yankee uniform, and by popular I mean it's popular to talk about how he is not very popular, like, AT ALL. It' hard to pinpoint the exact reason Brown did not really connect with Yankees fans ... the not very pleasant persona? ... the lack of adequate performance? ... the time he broke his hand punching the wall like a meathead during a division race? ... the time he lasted two innings in Game Seven of the World Series, putting a bow on the greatest postseason collapse in baseball history? ... his inclusion in the Mitchell Report? Who knows. The point is that: triple play!

Brown sort of made a living of not connecting with his fans. According to Wikipedia:

Kevin Brown's tenure with the Padres during the 1998 season was somewhat marred when the San Diego fans chose to cheer slugger Sammy Sosa during his home run chase along with Mark McGwire. Frustrated by the fact that the Padres were trying to win games during a pennant race, Kevin Brown insulted San Diego fans to the media.

I kind of get that, and I kind of don't. Retrospect and steroids aside, baseball fans like to, I think, cheer for baseball, and it's cool to celebrate things that transcend your own team. That said, I like to think I would have booed the crap out of Sosa or McGwire were they to have attempted to pursue their ludicrous home run chase in the confines of Yankee Stadium. Nevertheless, I can totally picture Brown striking out Sosa, tossing his glove to the ground and screaming to the hostile home crowd, "ARE YOU NOT ENTERTAINED?"

At least it appears Brown has been humbled by it all. According to Wiki:

In 2006, a neighbor accused Brown of pulling a gun on him after Brown accused the neighbor of putting yard debris on his side of the yard.

GIT YER LEAVES OFF MY SIDE ADA YARD SYLVESTER OR I'LL POP A CAP IN YER KEISTER I JUST DRANK THREE GALLONS A HUMAN GROWTH HORMONE JUST TRY ME

I don't think I could have made up something more befitting of my perception of a retired Kevin Brown than that, and that actually happened. Okay fine, it's believed by some to have happened.

So we got the gun ... we got the fist ... we're just one knife short of a ... TRIPLE PLAY!

The Leaders

In 1986 there were two Yankees leaders. One of them was Donald Arthur Mattingly, the greatest baseball player who has ever lived in the universe. The other was Rickey Henderson, who was pretty good, I guess, but who deferred to Mattingly. There were no other leaders.

But there was another leader. He couldn't be found in the clubhouse, for he was the leader of Yankees fans everywhere. Every day, day after day, without exception, except for away games and off days, this leader would wake up, put on his Yankee red shorts, not put on a shirt, fluff his hair, and head to the ballpark. The name of the ballpark was Yankee Stadium, a.k.a. Leader Stadium. He sat in the front row. The crowd knew when to cheer because this leader would stand up and not have a shirt on and start cheering, and so everyone else would know that something good happened. Did the Yankees score? Probably. Just clap.

On one glorious day in 1986, the three leaders of Yankeeland converged in such an epic and magnificent display of leadership, it could never again be duplicated. Donnie Baseball, a.k.a Hitman, a.k.a. G.O.A.T. drove in Rickey on a biz-omb--standard--and when the two heroes converged at home plate, they executed the world's only known perfect high-ten. Their hands clasped together, an audible sound of batting gloves converging with force could be heard for miles, and the shockwaves of awesomeness it sent through the air began to inspire people all around the country. (Note: For example, that was the day Bill Gates invented the computer and also the day Chesley Sullenberger decided to become a pilot.) Amazingly, caught in between this epic high-ten, and putting forth an undercurrent of swagger in his own right was leader of the Yankees fans, understandably and bravely leading the cheers. It was leadership personified, and it would never, ever, ever, ever happen again.

Except the next year it happened again when Donnie hit a grand salami--standard--and broke the record for grand salamis in a season and then executed another perfect high-ten with his boy Rickey at the dish.

But therein lies the mystery ...

Was the leader of the Yankees fans there? Did the fans know to cheer? It's impossible to tell, because stupid Topps orange'd out the whole thing.

But like my mom always used to say, you can't just orange out a leader. I believe somewhere, in between Donnie and Rickey's crotches probably, is a blurry, shirtless man with a puff of hair on his chest clapping his ass off. Being a leader.

Hat tip to Punk Rock Paint, for his finest work yet.

Get Your Squint On

Ed Romero, 1990 Bowman

GUYS THIS IS THE CARD THAT GOT ME INTO COLLECTING BASEBALL CARDS.

ED ROMERO STANDING AROUND.

LIKE A PIMP.

"C'MON MIKE. COLLECT CARDS LIKE THIS. IT'S EXCITING!" IS WHAT HE IS TELLING ME WITH HIS EYES.

CHECK OUT THE BOWMAN DETAIL.

ROCKIN' THE TIGHT RAINBOW BORDER WITH THE MINISCULE WORDS, GET AT ME, DOG.

EVERY BOWMAN CARD EVERY MADE WAS EXACTLY LIKE THIS.

"KILL 'EM WITH CONSISTENCY." -- BOWMAN

"AND BOREDOM." -- CRITICS

PFFT AIN'T TRYING TO HEAR DAT!

YOU THOUGHT THE FRONT WAS DOPE? CHECK OUT THE BIZ-ACK, PLAYA:

MICROSOFT EXCEL SPREADSHEET.

HOLD UP, LEMME GET MY READING GLASSES.

I AM 11, DON'T HAVE ANY.

GET YOUR SQUINT ON!

CHECK IT OUT, ED ROMERO PLAYED THIRD BASE BUT SOMETIMES HE PLAYED SECOND BASE.

WHY NOT PLAY EVERY BASE WHILE YOU'RE AT IT? (JOKE.)

ONE THING THAT'S BEEN BUGGING ME FOR A HOT MINUTE: HOW MANY WALKS DID ED ROMERO HAVE VERSUS THE REDS IN 1989?

NOT APPLICABLE!

NOW I CAN SLEEP.

ED ROMERO SLUGGED .000 VERSUS THE PIRATES IN '89, KEEP IT IN YOUR BACK POCKET FOR TRIVIA SEASON.

THE CARDINALS COULDN'T STOP ED ROMERO, THEY COULD ONLY HOPE TO CONTAIN HIM.

THEY SORT OF CONTAINED HIM.

ED ROMERO'S FULL FIRST NAME IS EDGARDO, NOT EDUARDO AS IS POPULARLY THOUGHT AMONGST ED ROMERO FANS.

I FOUND THAT INFORMATION ELSEWHERE, DIDN'T FIT IN THE CHART.

IN 2007, ROMERO WAS THE FLORIDA MARLINS' MINOR LEAGUE INFIELD COORDINATOR.

WHOSE GONNA COORDINATE THE INFIELD LIKE EDGARDO?

"NOBODY." -- KEITH SWEAT

"HEY SHORTSTOP, PLAY SHORTSTOP!"

"GROUNDSCREW, THIS INFIELD NEEDS MORE DIRT!"

COORDINATE THAT ISH, PLAYA!

LIKE A PIMP.

Bless You, Bergie

Dave Bergman, 1986 Topps

When I was a kid and daydreamed about the time when I would be a big leaguer, this is pretty much exactly how I pictured myself—waiting patiently for BP, wearing a sweet wristband and rocking the Blue Blockers, a sliver of my well-groomed yet unkempt mustache glistening in the sunshine, staring off into the distance, hero-like, with a “What? You want to mess with this?” attitude. When I was a kid, I was Dave Bergman. When I was a kid, I was a man.

There are a few cool anecdotes re: Bergman. Born in Illinois, he was drafted by his hometown Cubs out of high school but instead chose to get an education. As someone who maintains a great respect for education and learning about stuff, allow me to say, NEEEEEEERD! If I had been drafted by the Yankees out of high school, I would not have been able to sign fast enough. As it is I cannot remember anything I supposedly learned during high school or college. Besides, doesn't society just open its doors for former athletes anyway? But seriously kids, stay in school.

Bergman later would fulfill my own pipe dream by getting drafted by the Yankees, at which point he killed it in the minors, so obviously the Yankees traded him. He got traded again--twice in one day, in fact--landing with the eventual WS champion '84 Tigers. During that season Bergman had, according to manager Sparky Anderson, the greatest at-bat ever. Wiki:

On June 4, 1984, Bergman came to bat in the 11th inning with two men on base and two outs in a game against the Toronto Blue Jays. Bergman fouled off seven pitches, and on a full count hit the 13th pitch of the at bat into the upper deck at Tiger Stadium for a walk-off, three-run home run. In his book, Bless You Boys, Detroit manager, Sparky Anderson, wrote, "Tonight I saw the greatest at bat in my life...Bergie fouled off seven pitches and then picked one practically off the ground and drilled it into the upper deck in right. What a battle! Bergie was up there a full seven minutes.

I love baseball anecdotes like that. I haven't read Bless You Boys, but does the whole thing read like a diary?

Chapter 6
Tonight I saw the greatest at-bat of my life ...

Chapter 8
Today I ate three bananas and then became constipated ...

Chapter 17
Sorry I didn't write yesterday. I was busy. Anyway, yesterday Bergie said something funny that I can't write down or else I'll get in trouble. It was about Polish people. Gibby and Louie were cracking up.

More:

He hit a career high .294 for the Tigers in 1988, and in August 1989, he broke up a Nolan Ryan no-hitter with a one-out single in the 9th inning.

A memorable walk-off home run, a World Series title, and breaking up a Nolan Ryan no-no would be more than enough for me live off of. Actually, a walk-off home run would be enough. I would never want to be responsible for breaking up a Nolan Ryan no-hitter because I would fear for my life the rest of my life. That is the kind of man I actually grew up to be.

In 2001 Bergman took part in an online interview with Ray Kerby in which either Kerby, while editing, or Bergman, while communicating, used a ton of exclamation points. Sampler:

I just enjoyed playing all sports!
I liked them because they were playing for the Cubs!
College allowed me to grow up in a controlled environment!
It took hard work and perserverance!
Joe Niekro is today my best friend!
I had no idea, but I was glad to be traded to Detroit!
I looked for a breaking ball and I got it!
I love working with kids!

Bergie seems like a happy dude. And who can blame him? He lived the dream.