August 04, 2010
Sam Horn, Employee No. Awesome
Sam Horn, 1993 Pinnacle
Sam Horn was a popular player during his days in Boston, and has gained somewhat of a cult following these days as a Red Sox post-game show analyst. Horn’s home run catch-phrase is “ka-pow,” so I am unsure if his loyal following is sincere or ironic. Nevertheless, once upon a time Sam Horn played for the Baltimore Orioles. We know now that Sam Horn’s job is to analyze baseball games. But what was his job then?
Sam’s job on the Orioles isn’t to dance around first base, and make acrobatic grabs or to take an extra base on a slap hit to left.
WANTED: Baseball player with sass. Must dance around first base, make acrobatic grabs, and take an extra base on a slap hit to left. At least 4-years experience required. Also must be proficient in Microsoft Word. Sam Horn need not apply.
Okay, so we know what Sam Horn’s job wasn’t. I do wonder however: If Sam Horn were to do any of these things –- say for example, if he, by chance, managed to, in some hypothetical scenario, take an extra base on a slap hit to left –- would the Orioles’ brass consider that a bonus, or would he be reprimanded? It seems like, from the tone of this, that he would be reprimanded. Still, I do not know what Sam Horn’s job is.
Sam’s job is to hit the ball hard and far.
Alrighty then. Easy enough, right? No need to make excuses when you, apparently, have one job and one job only.
Unfortunately, strikeouts happen when you’re a longball hitter.
It seems as though Pinnacle employed Sam Horn to write his own tidbit in the third person. And Sam Horn sounds defensive. Not defensive in the sense of making acrobatic defensive grabs, as we know for sure that he does not do that, nor is he responsible for doing that. It’s just…this reads like something Sam Horn would have said while sitting at his locker, angry and dejected, after -– oh, I don’t know –- striking out six times in one game: “Listen, my job on the Orioles isn’t to dance around first base and make acrobatic grabs or take an extra base on a slap hit to left. My job is to hit the ball hard and far. Unfortunately, strikeouts happen when you’re a longball hitter. Bitch.”
Coincidentally, Sam Horn once struck out six times in one game, which apparently spawned a term. Wikipedia?
Horn is perhaps best remembered as the origin of the term horn, referring to the act of striking out six times in a single game, a feat Horn accomplished in 1992 while with the Baltimore Orioles.
I have honestly never heard of this before in my life. I’m not even sure how to apply it. For example, according to my research (!), Geoff Jenkins struck out six times in a game back in 2004. Had I watched that game at the time, and witnessed this feat, I would have screamed, “He horned it!” But did he do the horning, or did he get horned? I think the batter receives a proverbial horn, but I am unsure. Anyway, this is a fun game! Who else is horny?
Did you know?
When Sam Horn was asked the reason for his retirement from Major League Baseball in 1995, he responded, simply, “Less ka-pow. More horn.”