John Barfield, 1991 Score
Cool mechanics, John Barfield.
"Your mom liked 'em, Internet weirdo." - John Barfield
Touché, John Barfield. Let's move on.
John was brought up from Triple-A Oklahoma
City in late May ’90 as a temporary replacement for
Gary Mielke
That is the SEXIEST story about opportunity knocking I have
ever heard. It’s also, coincidentally, exactly how I started blogging.
But, like the man who came to dinner, John pitched so well in middle
and long relief, he just stayed and stayed and stayed.
What
Texas Rangers equipment manager Dizzy Flapperton:
STILL HERE, EH BARFIELD? YOU’RE LIKE THE MAN WHO CAME TO DINNER.
John Barfield:
Ha, ha, yeah … what?
Flapperton: THE
MAN WHO CAME TO DINNER, YOU KNOW—THE FAMOUS MOVIE.
Barfield: Uh, I’m
not black.
Flapperton: NOT
THAT DINNER MOVIE YA’ BIG DUMMY! THE 1942 COMEDY STARRING MONTY WOOLLEY, DUH.
Barfield: I don’t
… I just … I am 25.
Flapperton: YOU
DANG KIDS DON’T KNOW NOTHIN’ ABOUT CULTURE. YA’ JUST PITCH YOUR BALLS AND HIT
YOUR BALLS AND I’M THE ONE WHO’S GOTTA CLEAN UP THE MESS.
Barfield: That
sounds gross.
Flapperton: BUT AT LEAST YER HERE. OL' MIELKE IS BACK THERE ON THE TRAINER'S TABLE AGAIN, AND GETTIN' PAID FOR IT TOO, NO LESS. I SWEAR THAT GUY IS LIKE THE THIEF OF BAGDAD ...
Barfield: ...
Flapperton: THE THIEF OF BAGDAD.
Barfield: ...
Flapperton: FER CRYIN' OUT LOUD! THE
POINT IS, JUST KEEP PITCHING WELL IN MIDDLE AND LONG RELIEF, AND YA' CAN STAY
FOR DINNER AND EAT AS MUCH LASAGNA AS YA’ LIKE, OKAY GARFIELD?
Barfield: It’s
“Barfield.” Why are you yelling?
4 comments:
This card blurb brought to you by old people.
And high time, too.
I was actually The Man Who Came to Dinner, in high school. I was not the star; that is not the guy who comes to dinner. I was. We staged it so that at one point, I ran up behind the couch and jumped over the back of it onto it; it might have been in reaction to the invitation to dinner. This worked fine -- until the performance. I broke the couch. With a really loud crack, just beautifully audible throughout the auditorium. A little embarrassing. It was my friend's couch, too. They were not a rich family. Also, I was not fat. Am now. Wasn't then. Point is, today, I would absolutely murder that couch, although I'm not sure what this has to do with baseball cards, or why you are writing about this.
I wrote this, in retrospect, to discover JUST what you revealed right there, which is something that I cherish immensely.
I suppose maybe you, troy, and others were/are more familiar with this play/movie than me; however, my general point stands that these baseball cards are mostly intended for 10-year-old kids and not, as TJJ rightly points out, old people, and as such should reference more contemporary things, or, you know, baseball.
I'm also waiting for someone to point out the contradiction that John Barfield is completely unaware of The Man Who Came to Dinner but totes knows about Guess Who's Coming to Dinner.
What you wrote was genius. It just wasn't about me. Don't worry, I addressed it for you. Now this post appeals to both of the two kinds of people in the world: those who want to know about me, and those who want to know about stuff other than me. Start with this post, tackle the rest of the site in the coming weeks. Dig?
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