July 21, 2015

The Butterfly Effect

I’ll give you three guesses as to what’s on the back of this Felix Hernandez card that I (and by “I” I mean my 5-year-old daughter from whom I hijacked this card to write about it on a blog) received while at Safeco Field during a Mariners game.

Go ahead.

Are you good?

Do you have three guesses?

OK cool. I don’t want to hear about your guesses because they are all wrong.

For real this is the back of the card. It’s a baby who is maybe morphing into a butterfly, or vice versa … I’m not certain of the science behind that process. Or maybe it’s a baby who has butterfly wings because it’s a hybrid butterfly-baby formed in a BASF lab. Who knows. The point is: baseball.

This card also asks the timeless question:

How can you make tomorrow love today?

which, ???????????????????????????????????????????????

Seriously though, how CAN you make tomorrow love today? Let’s ask Mariners pitcher Felix Hernandez.

Me: Hi, King Felix. I was wondering, how can you make tomorrow love today?

Felix Hernandez: I don’t know for sure, papi. Maybe, like … if we channel our hopes and dreams into our current state of consciousness, we can marry anticipation with the present and experience a slice of heaven on earth. Like this … (blows on passing butterfly, which turns into a baby and lands in my lap)

Me: Uh, what am I supposed to do with this?

Felix Hernandez: I don’t know … raise it? Listen, are we done? I have to pitch a baseball game now.

Me: (raise child as my own, grow to love it, it eventually teaches me how to make tomorrow love today)

Child: Welp, looks like my work here is done. (sprouts butterfly wings and flies toward the sky)

Me: wtf


troy said...

Judging SOLELY from this post on a baseball card blog, you might not yet be ready to be a parent oops

mkenny59 said...

The stealing of baseball cards and releasing of children into the atmosphere is not indicative of my overall parenting abilities. Small sample size.

troy said...

I'd like to believe you, but until you prove it to me, I'm afraid we can't put you in charge of anything less needy than a Mazda Miata.

Fuji said...

Wow. This post made me feel like I was in college trapped in a room with a bunch of my friends who smoked, playing Sega Genesis, and eating lots and lots of Pringles.

mkenny59 said...

We'll take that as a compliment? Sure, why not! Thanks, Fuji!

The Junior Junkie said...

Um...is it wierd that I want the butterfly baby King Felix card? I have a mound of Mattingly with your name on it (or some cartoon-type cards with your 5-year old's name on them - whatever it takes).

mkenny59 said...

I totally would do that, TJJ ... were it not for the fact that it's actually not my card but my daughter's. Who, granted, will lose it or destroy it before I'm done writing this. Nevertheless :/