September 18, 2013

Studio Series: Jim Abbott

Jim Abbott, 1992 Leaf Studio Series

Today for our Leaf Studio series, we welcome Jim Abbott. Jim, c'mon in buddy ... whoa, that hat is mad high on your head, son! Just playing, please sit down while we use a projector to broadcast black and white footage of your pitching highlights. Now, tell us a little bit more about yourself ...

Jim: Welp, my full name is James Anthony Abbott and I bat left and throw left.

Emm hmm, emm hmm. A lefty, huh? How interesting.

Jim: My wife's name is Dana.

Is SHE a lefty? That would be crazy.

Jim: She's a Capricorn.


Jim: I majored in communications at the University of Michigan.

GO STATE! Just playing, Jim - I have no affiliation with Michigan and don't understand why anyone would live there or go there. And I can tell by the way you're communicating with me now that you've studied this art extensively. Tell me about baseball ...

Jim: Gee, well ... I was the No. 1 draft pick of the Angels in '88, and I actually never played in the minors.

Interesting. Why is that?

Jim: (shrugs shoulders) Dunno.

Great stuff, great stuff. Who do you like to face as a pitcher?

Jim: Welp, no offense to Pat - great guy - but probably Pat Tabler. He just doesn't seem to see the ball coming out of my hand too well. Everybody's different, I guess.

You're right, he sucks. Who really sticks in your craw?

Jim: Dave Henderson. That mother ****** has hit five *****n' home runs off me and he's hitting something like five *****n' twenty-nine against me. ****** ***hole.

Whoa. Did I mention the Studio series is a family program?

Jim: **** off.

What else, Jim? What's interesting about you?

Jim: Well, as you probably know - the elephant in the room if you will - my favorite singer is Neil Young. I just think he's the best. Favorite actor is Willem Dafoe. Loved him in Wild at Heart.


Jim: Favorite movie is The Godfather.


Jim: My only regret is that Willem Dafoe wasn't Michael. He should have been Michael. Or at least Sonny, ya' know?

Ya' think? I feel like maybe they casted that movie appropriately, no?

Jim: Whatever. My favorite book is Lincoln.

Oh neat, I like biog-

Jim: NOT a biography. The one by Gore Vidal. It's a novel, you simpleton. He presents a panorama of the American political and imperial experience as interpreted by both fictional and historical characters, m'kay?

Got it. So I have to ask: favorite talk show host?

Jim: Letterman, duh. Richard Bey is a close second though.

Who's your bffbb - best friend forever in baseball?

Jim: Kirk McCaskill. I just trust him.

You'd most like to meet ... ?

Jim: Neil Young. I want him to sing me an acoustic version of "Southern Man" while Dana feeds me grapes in a grassy field.

Alrighty. Is there anything else interesting about you, Jim Abbott? Something that sets you apart from everyone else?

Jim: Nope.

Thanks for coming by. (stands up, moves in to shake Jim's hand) What the ...


The Junior Junkie said...

I should not have read this at work. I like Abbott, but that is damn funny.

mkenny59 said...

Ha, thanks, TJJ! Glad you enjoyed :)

Oh, and I love Abbott, too, of course. I honestly feel like his no-hitter (and career in general) should have a much, much higher place in the sports lexicon. How is that not a sports story that generation after generation are acutely aware of? No 30 for 30 doc or anything? Pfft. They hatin'.

troy said...

Oh. Oh no ...