Say it’s 1989, and you collect baseball cards. In fact, you are a champion card collector. Even your very best friends, with whom you compete on a daily basis in the violent arena of having baseball cards, recognize you as champion, as does your Uncle Phil, who held the very same title back in ’71.
Another thing you like to do is wear clothes. Mostly you enjoy hoodless sweatshirts. “What’s with the hoods, anyway?” you ask yourself frequently. It’s not like you live in Antarctica, plus you view those who wear hooded sweatshirts as troublemakers. Show your face, troublemaker! The hoodless sweatshirt—or, as you refer to it, “sweatshirt”—keeps you warm but not too warm; snug yet flexible. Plus it’s versatile. Whether it’s school, a card show, dinner at Bennigans, a wedding, Saturday shopping at Bradlees, naptime, or a tour of a local museum, the hoodless sweatshirt is appropriate wear.
So, the question remains: How do you combine these two worlds? Your champion-caliber card collecting and simple yet refined fashion sense. Unsure if such a fusion is even possible, you tear open a pack of cards and …BAM!
So beautiful. You can barely even imagine the adrenaline rush of walking into school one day wearing this baby. Hello, world. It’s me. I am a champion card collector and I like BASEBALL. Read the sweatshirt if you don’t believe me. What’s up, Regina? Still going steady with Mark? How’s that working out for ya’? (Look over at Mark, who is wearing Umbros and mis-matching Hypercolor t-shirt.) Heh.
Still, so many questions. First: Is it of high quality?
Nice. But are the letters puffy? It’s a 3-D world in 1989! You can’t be walking around wearing a flat-lettered top. That’s just embarrassing.
as shown Style B.
You do not need to see Style A. How much does this sweatshirt cost? $500?
To order send check (no cash) for $19.95 plus $1.50 postage and handling ($21.45 total)
“I can add, Topps! GET ON WITH IT!”
plus any three 1989 Special Offer Cards,
You know what that means. And you have 312 of them.
Your name, age,
Age is important because Topps is trying to hit a specific age demographic of fashion. Any geezers trying to get their age-spotted hands on this will be denied.
address, zip code
Part of the address, traditionally.
to: TOPPS BASEBALL SWEATSHIRTS
Fortune 500 company.
Allow up to 8 weeks for shipment.
Fashion like this doesn’t get produced overnight. No, it takes two months. It’s a 15-day process just to get the letters puffy at the Topps-operated puffy plant in Tiawan. In two months, you figure, school will be out, and who even knows if you’ll still be champion …
You toss the card away. Regina’s not even that hot, you figure.