October 04, 2008

The Tao of Fred McGriff

Dear Mr. McGriff,

First off, if you're reading this, let me just step back and say: Awesome. But, if you're reading this on a laptop with a flashlight under the covers in bed next to your wife, let me just step back and say: You are not seven years old. Turn off the laptop and make love to your wife.

Second, I think I owe you an apology. I started writing The Tao of Fred McGriff with the intention of posting daily for 99 days. But frankly, I don't think I have 99 things to say about you. Yes, you were a great hitter. Yes, you have a World Series ring. Yes, you'll get my vote for the Hall of Fame (though I technically don't have a vote to give. Let's just say I'm with you in spirit). Yes, you hit a ridiculous amount of home runs in an era when other feared sluggers were juiced. And yes, you had a failed TV pilot that I want to see.

If you've read this blog in the past, you know I like expounding on the intricacies of baseball and baseball cards ad nauseam. But 99 things is a lot. I'm not complaining, I'm just giving up.

Let's sum up The Tao of Fred McGriff:

1. Revel in your underratedness.
2. When faced with a silly nickname, accept it and make it your own.
3. If you make a TV pilot that someone might describe as "Major League meets Blade," prepare for it to end up on YouTube.
4. Each of us is worthy of a cult following.
5. Consistency should be rewarded.
6. Whatever it is, it's worth the wait.
7. Don't stress out about face fat. You too will end up with a turkey wattle.
8. Making a photo frame that's magnetic and that looks like a plaque in the Hall of Fame is not only a great gift, but probably the closest many of us will ever get to the real thing.
9. Most of us haven't realized it yet, but we all owe a great deal to Tom Emanski.


Anonymous said...

It reminds me of the end of Happy Days. You probably "jumped the shark" with the Fred McGriff posts. It's not surprising it led to the beginning of the end.

Shawn said...

AWESOME... Read all of your "Tao of Fred McGriff" posts... He WAS, IS, and will ALWAYS BE my favorite baseball player, bar none! I've got a whole binder of cards devoted to the Crime Dog... And I've admired him for the same reasons as most; he is underrated, a bit obscure, low-key and consistent... and he just went onto the diamond everyday and played like a BAUSE. All my sports jerseys HAVE to be #19 (he'll always be #19 to me)... Long live the Crime Dog!!!