Baseball's Best

It's 1988, but who are baseball's best players? Baseball is separated into two categories: pitchers and sluggers. Which pitchers are the best? Which sluggers are the best?

Great questions. There are two pitchers who are the best. Here is a cool graphic re: pitchers.

Here is a pitcher.

Dwight Gooden is the best. His ERA is 2.46, which is the best. I look forward to seeing how much bester he can become by steering clear of trouble and really working on his pitching techniques and mental fortitude. Here is the other pitcher who is the best.

Teddy Higuera is the best. His ERA is 3.50, which is the best. One time Teddy Higuera went to the All-Star Game, not as a guest but as a pitcher. According to Wikipedia, In the game, Fernando Valenzuela struck Higuera out in the fifth inning to tie Carl Hubbell's record with five consecutive strikeouts. I would have titled that story, "Chunky Mexican pitcher strikes out chunky Mexican pitcher." What I want to know is: why was Teddy Higuera batting in the All-Star Game? I feel like if a chunkster lefty pitcher is at bat in the All-Star Game, the manager has made a mistake. Anyway, Teddy Higuera is the best regardless of striking out one time in the All-Star Game. He probably did it on purpose because he hates Carl Hubbell.

All the other pitchers are just okay.

But what about sluggers?

Which sluggers are the best?

The answer to that is: one slugger.

Tom Brunansky is the best. His average is .250, which is the best. Average is stupid. Sometimes you have to look further than outdated stats, like how a man stands around and the aura he exudes.

DER.

Tom Brunansky's nickname was "Bruno," which is short for Tom Brunansky. That story about his nickname origins is the best.

Lots of players are the best when you really think about it. Because baseball is the best. But not all the players are the best, only some. Only three. Maybe there were other players in this set? These are the only cards I could find.

Choose Your Own Adventure... Card 88

Warning: Parental advisory for violence, blood, foul language, and Bud Selig. This is a set of Choose Your Own Adventure cards by PunkRockPaint. If you have reached this page by accident and want to start at the beginning of the story click here.



You leap over seats, zigging and zagging across rows and aisles, hurdling over the dismembered and disemboweled bodies filling the stands. Leaping from the second row, you aim for the only spot atop the visitors dugout that isn’t drenched in pools of blood. You manage to hit a dry spot, and after a quick stumble you bound toward the safety of the green grass. As you soar above the dugout a powerful hand reaches up and grabs you by the ankle. You land with a sickening thud on the hard, packed dirt. Adrenaline flowing through your veins, you bounce quickly to your feet.  A freshly disembodied hand is still clutched tightly to your ankle. A quick flick of your foot sends the slightly green hand flying toward the infield - fingers still blindly reaching for its lost prize. As an angry, one-handed, what-used-to-be-Tom Brunansky lumbers your way, you realize that the field may not be the safest place. There is nowhere to hide, and more of the zombie Red Sox slowly amble from the dugout in your direction.

Go to Card #86