The Spirited Play of Lenny

Lenny Dykstra, 1991 Score "The Franchise"

We've covered Lenny around here before, and ditto for The Franchise. So why I am posting this? Well, for one thing, I think Lenny kinda sorta looks like Mike Trout here, so this card is RELEVANT. Also, it's like, I don't know, should we STOP talking about Lenny Dykstra? Probs not, dude is always bringing the realness. But the true reason I wanted to post this card today is because:

Have you ever wondered, like SERIOUSLY wondered how the Philadelphia Phillies performed the amazing feat of going from last place in 1989 to a tie for fourth in 1990? Seems ridiculous even writing it down now, so many years later. Of course, much of this was captured in the famous Steven Soderbergh documentary, "Worst To Tied For Fourth: The Amazing Story of the 1989 and 1990 Philadelphia Phillies and What They Meant to America." Much of that doc dealt with the after effects of the feat, the shock waves that reverberate throughout baseball even to this day. But has anyone had the guts to ask HOW they did it? You don't just go from worst to tied for fourth overnight, unless it's like the very beginning of the season or there's some crazy parity happening. It's takes years, decades, millennia to go from worst place to tied for fourth place. So again, I ask, does anyone have the guts, the BALLS the openly wonder how this happened?

The Franchise has the balls.

A large part of the Phillies climb from last place in '89 to a tie for fourth in '90 was because of the spirited play of Lenny.

I want to make my OWN movie called "The Spirited Play of Lenny." Here is the script:

Lenny Dykstra arrives at Phillies camp shirtless, chewing tobacco

Lenny Dykstra: 'Sup DORK-wads, ha. Nice last place last year.

Rest of Phillies: (hang heads in disappointment)

Dykstra: Any of you DORK-wads ever dove for a ball in your whole life? (does somersault through a ring of fire)

Rest of Phillies: (ooh and ahhh)

Manager Nick Leyva: Put that fire out! Where the hell did that even come from? What's going on here?

Dykstra: 'Sup Manager ... (squints to pretend to read name tag that isn't there) ... DORK-face.

Rest of Phillies: (snicker)

Leyva: Well, well, I see Mr. Dykstra finally decided to join us. Heard about you, son ... about your untamed attitude. Also heard about your spirited play, which I was hoping would rub off on some of THESE dork-wads ...

Dykstra: Oh you mean like THIS? (dives into fence head first)

Leyva: Uh, yeah I guess.

Dykstra: Well TOO BAD. I don't play like that anymore, Skip. Heart's not in it. Left a broad behind in New York. She died or whatever. Not really, but kind of. Might as well have.

Leyva: What does that ... what? Doesn't matter. Listen Lenny - we brought you here for your spirited play - we need you! We had high hopes for this season ...

Dykstra: Oh yeah? Like what - sixth place? Pfft.

Leyva: Lenny, I - gather 'round everyone. I was gonna save this for later but what the hay. Lenny, to answer your question, no. We're not thinking sixth place. We're shooting for the stars this year, son. We're thinking - I'm gonna tell you guys this right now - we're thinking FOURTH PLACE, dang it!

Dykstra: YOU'RE CRAZY OLD MAN!

Leyva: Am I? WELL SO WHAT? I believe in this team! I know we can do it! Fourth place is the goal, and I don't care if we have to share it. There, it's out there now. THAT'S the goal, and we can't do it without you Lenny ...

Bunch of scenes where Lenny's not playing spirited, team still in last place. Then he meets a broad who slowly but surely starts to make him forget about the not dead broad he left behind behind in NY.

Broad: Well then go ahead! Get out of here. And keep playing unspirited baseball! See if I care ... (cries)

Dykstra: OH YEAH? (turns around dramatically) WELL SEE IF I CA- (attacks her with kisses)

(they have sex)

Dykstra: (after sex) You know what ... ... ...

Jillian: Jillian.

Dykstra: You know what, Jillian? I think you're rekindling my ... my ... my spirit.

Montage of Lenny playing spirited baseball, diving and getting dirty. Montage also includes scenes of Phillies moving up in the standings; montage stops when they reach fourth place. Movie ends.

Fiesty, with plenty of spunk,

I'm going to go back and rewrite the script to include the fiestiness and spunk, so don't worry.

Dude Puts on Twenty

Lenny Dykstra, 1989 Score

It seems silly now, considering his much publicized fall from grace, but in his heyday Lenny Dykstra was literally the most popular person in the universe. Imagine if David Eckstein chewed tobacco and was good at baseball, and you have only a fraction of an idea of how beloved Lenny Dykstra was. I mean, his name was Lenny for crying out loud. It doesn't get more blue collar than that.

He won over two rival cities with his charm and elegance. He had many nicknames, including "Nails" for his tough-as-nails persona (note: nails are very tough, except when I try to hammer them and bend them because I am tougher than nails and also terrible at hammering); "Dude," apparently; and, along with former teammate Wally Backman, "Wild Boys," for, according to Wikipedia, their scrappy play and propensity to serve as the spark plugs for a star-studded lineup. Wild boys = spark plugs for a star-studded lineup, and has nothing to do with off-the-field activities, in which neither Dykstra nor Backman ever participated. There is indeed something very wild and animalistic about getting on base so Darryl Strawberry can drive you in with a home run. That type of untamed spirit is typically locked in a zoo.

Dykstra was Nails, a dude, wild, a spark plug, a scrapper, a hustler, white, a bunter (above), a hunter (of runs ... and also bears, maybe), a ferocious competitor, a throwback, gutsy, and owner of big heart that pumped the blood necessary for winning baseball games by any means. Another thing Dykstra was good at, according to this baseball card, was increasing in mass size over the span of only a few months:

Lenny, the Mets' fiesty leadoff batter,

Hey, I forgot to mention that Dykstra was also fiesty. It's kind of a given, yes, but still -- I apologize.

bulked up during the offseason by lifting weights and went into 1988 with some 20 extra pounds of muscle.

All on the up and up. Obviously this card is more incriminating than praiseworthy, but this is just one of many "guy dedicated himself to lifting and gained X-amount of weight during the offseason" anecdotes we have all read about forever. Now, even though I blog about my old baseball cards, I am not a doctor, so I do wonder: what is a conceivable amount of weight for a grown man to gain naturally as a result of intense weight-lifting? I would say -- again, not a doctor -- zero pounds, unless that person is also eating the weights. If the person is supplementing these intense workouts with a consistent diet of extra large bananas (heavy in weight-mass protons), then I would say ... five pounds? Twenty pounds is a lot of pounds. In Lenny's defense, it's difficult to pose shirtless for a Beefcake poster when you're not adequately beefed up. From Wiki:

he even removed his shirt to pose for a "beefcake" poster under the "Nails" nickname.

What is a beefcake poster? Is that a thing? I will Google that later and get back to you. (I think they mean it literally -- he was shirtless under the headline "Nails" -- but I like how it reads that he posed "under the 'Nails' nickname," as if it was an alias to protect his true identity. I am going to pose for a Beefcake poster under the nickname "Mike" and see if anyone notices.) Anyway, upon seeing the new Super Lenny, fellow Wild Boy Wally Backman commented, "I'll have what HE'S having!" and then expounded upon the joke by stating it was from the new movie, When Wally Met Lenny. When no one laughed at that reference, he punched everybody in the face like a wild beast.

Steroids were just one of Dykstra's vices. In recent months and years, everybody has piled on ol' Lenny, and rightly so because, man -- he does NOT come across well in every single thing that has been written or said about him of late, and also he is in jail. But if Lenny Dykstra the person is very flawed, let us then focus on Lenny Dykstra the player, who, although he kind of sort of cheated, was really good at playing baseball. It may have been the only thing he didn't fake.