Casting Agent: "Hops"

This week's edition of "Casting Agent" is for a pay-cable mini series drama focusing on the trials and tribulations of running a brewery during the late 1850s/early 1860s in the United States. It will take place in Milwaukee and focus on a character based on Joseph Schlitz, the power struggles of running a profitable brewery, and more larger themes like the U.S. Civil War. I see this as a "television event"–type series, with six episodes (at most) and no additional series renewal. I'm calling it "Hops."

Characters

Jim Thome as Tom Schlipps, upstart owner of the Knüg Brewery/Schlipps Brewers

Harmon Killebrew as Augustus Knüg, deceased owner of Knüg Brewery (shown in flashback)

Mary Steenburgen as The Widow Knüg and future Mrs. Schlipps

Bob Moose as Lemuel Fjordsson, brewmaster at Knüg Brewery
and rival at Mountain River & Sons Brewery

Walter Johnson as Castleton Parnassus "C.P." Billingsley, local financier

Johnny Bench as Meinhard "Pete" Wermeißer, Schlipps' neighbor and friend

with Johnny Mize as James B. Cross, mayor of Milwaukee and later rival to Schlipps

and Mark Eaton as Martin Bartellschloss, a corrupt policeman
in the new Milwaukee Police Department

Casting Agent: "Baker's Dozen"

For this Sunday's game of Casting Agent, I've picked the shoot-em-up genre, made-for-TV–movie variety. For those readers who are unfamiliar with Casting Agent, the object of the game is to cast a TV show, movie, or play based on the photographs used on baseball cards.

So this week I've got a stack of cards that I think would be perfect for an ensemble made-for-TV movie, one I'm calling Baker's Dozen. It's your garden-variety ensemble of misfits teaming up to vanquish the baddie while overcoming their differences type film. With a high body count. 

"A" Plot: When a secretly corrupt U.S. Senator and his mistress get taken hostage by a band of pirates off the coast of Africa, the president calls for a clean rescue. There's only one group who can handle the assignment: Baker's Dozen—Sargent Don Baker (ret.) and his 12 super soldiers. There's just one problem: their last assignment was five years ago, it didn't end well, and there was a falling out with the men.  

"B" Plot: The president's son is in cahoots with the pirates. 

Characters

Warren Giles as Senator Griggs

Gene Woodling as retired Sargent Don Baker

Jose Laboy as Jax aka "Number 1," member of Baker's Dozen
Civilian job: Owns a chain of car washes in California

Paul Serna as Univac aka "Number 2," member of Baker's Dozen
Civilian job: Engineer for Department of Defense

Brian McRae as Hobo John aka "Number 3," member of Baker's Dozen
Civilian job: Is a hobo

Tommy Harper as Smooth aka "Number 4," member of Baker's Dozen

Civilian job: Sells ladies' shoes at a department store in Omaha

Turk Farrell as Fingers aka "Number 5," member of Baker's Dozen

Civilian job: Gifted concert pianist, travels the world over

Jerry Lumpe as Bloodmaker aka "Number 6," member of Baker's Dozen

Civilian job: Works as a butcher in the meatpacking district of New York City

Shane Mack as Fuzz aka "Number 7," member of Baker's Dozen

Civilian job: Tour guide at the Getty in Los Angeles

Ryan Howard as Furlough aka "Number 8," member of Baker's Dozen

Civilian job: Traffic cop in Chicago

Joe Adcock as The Canadian aka "Number 9," member of Baker's Dozen

Civilian job: International figure-skating judge, representing Canada

George Foster as Ugly Pete aka "Number 10," member of Baker's Dozen

Civilian job: Chuck Berry impersonator on a Branson riverboat

Don Newcombe as Pops aka "Number 11," member of Baker's Dozen

Civilian job: junior U.S. Senator representing the great state of New Mexico

Whitey Lockman as Slim aka "Number 12," member of Baker's Dozen

Civilian job: Runs a chop shop in Louisville, Kentucky

Barry Bonds as Etienne, the lead Pirate

with Jimmie Dykes as the President

and Bart Johnson as the President's son

Casting Agent: "Breaking In"

It's Sunday, which must mean it's time for another round of Casting Agent, everybody's favorite baseball-card game. The rules: You choose, based on the photograph on the front of their baseball card, the perfect candidate for each role in a film or television show.

Musical television series seem to be popular these days, what with Glee and Smash and, well, maybe that's it. Could that mean that the premise is ripe for a third show? Today I'm casting "Breaking In," a sports operetta and star vehicle for real-life big-league brothers Paul and Rick Reuschel. Think of it as an all-singing The Bank Job meets Friday Night Lights.


"A" Plot: College World Series–winning teammates and twins Paul and Rick are drafted by the same major-league team. The twins are going in opposite directions—Rick's going to be a star and Paul rides the pine.

"B" Plots: The manager masterminds a series of bank robberies—committed by the veterans on the team—in the cities where the team is playing. Paul is making in-roads with the veterans' criminal schemes, while Rick is against the idea of committing a crime.

Characters

1977 Topps Big League Brothers Paul/Rick Reuschel

Paul and Rick Reuschel as Paul and Rick, twins with different baseball destinies

1976 Topps Bill Greif

Bill Greif as Wayne, Rick's pitching rival and team-bus getaway driver

1993 Stadium Club/Ultra Pro Barry Bonds

Barry Bonds as Lamar, a good-natured, generous veteran outfielder and safe-cracker

1980 Topps Bo McLaughlin

Bo McLaughlin as Manager Schnute, former major-league All-Star managing on his laurels. Also criminal mastermind.

1976 Topps Jim Bibby

Jim Bibby as Zero Sampson, veteran pitcher and do-gooder morally opposed to team's criminal activity.

1976 Topps Mike Tyson

Mike Tyson as Rifle Baby, tough-as-nails shortstop and sharpshooter enforcer

1987 Donruss Bob James

Bob James as Country Gold, veteran relief pitcher and loose cannon

Ridiculous boudoir photo of Frank Thomas masquerading as a trading card, 1993 Donruss Studio

Frank Thomas as The Big Hurt, power-hitting first baseman and muscle-bound enforcer

1981 Fleer Dave Parker

Dave Parker as Cobra, a legendary criminal con man, known for banking nearly $10 million in an unprecedented string of 57 daring robberies; special advisor to the team

Baseball Card Game: Casting Agent

One of my favorite games is called Casting Agent. You choose, based on the photograph on the front of their baseball card, the perfect candidate for each role. This morning the show I’m casting is an ensemble dramedy I’ve titled “Man Cave.” It's along the lines of The Wonder Years, only replace the family unit in the 1960s with six middle-age men living under one roof.

The back story is that six friends made a pact in college that if they're single when they're 40, they'll find a way to live together. Needless to say, hilarity sometimes ensues and lessons are learned on every show.

And while it sounds an awful lot like the premise of the film Old School, this show does not take place on a college campus. It's simply a device to get all the main characters to live in one place. 

'A' Plot: After his wife kicks him out of their house, Gorff decides to round up his five best friends—each down on his luck and still trying to figure it all out—to live together in the ultimate man's house: big-screen TVs, cigars and brandy, a billiards room, Lay-z-boys, the whole nine yards.

'B' Plot: Gorff's dad wants to move into the Man Cave.

Main Characters

George Brett as Walter "Gorff" Gorffalberger,
a lovable oaf who can't seem to get it right

 Steve Garvey as Dick, a model-train enthusiast
who keeps adding HO-scale train track around the Man Cave

Chuck Muncie as Books, a French teacher at the local high school. Known to his students as Monsieur Etienne.

Vincente Romo as Simon Jaffacake, a dance instructor

 Danny Frisella as Jerry - Most of his dialogue is unintelligible: he talks very fast and ends each bit of dialogue in uncontrollable laughter

Keith Moreland as Ronnie Limberger - just known as Limberger - job unknown

with Gaylord Perry as Dad

Other recurring characters

Amy Madigan as Alice Gorffalberger, Gorff's soon-to-be-ex-wife

Pete Rose as Pete, Alice's new live-in boyfriend and Gorff's old Army buddy

John Henry Johnson as Mario - a rival dance studio instructor and Simon's secret crush 

Pascual Perez as Stephon, their wacky neighbor

Jim Fregosi as Mr. Sneed, Gorff's boss 

Ken MacKenzie as Johnnie Limberger, Limberger's older, less successful brother

Mike Schmidt as Fran, Gorff's rival at his job

Rick Waits as Looks - Books' best friend and colleague at the high school

Baseball Card Game: Casting Agent

One of my favorite games is called Casting Agent. You choose, based on the photograph on the front of their baseball card, the perfect candidate for each role. This morning the show I’m casting is a cop show I’ve titled “Third Strike.” (I know, it’s a bad title… but good in a late night syndicated cop show kind of way.)

Casting Agent: Cop Show

Title: Third Strike

‘A’ Plot: A heroic police detective screws up on the job and his identical twin (and detective partner) dies in a vat of hot wax (or so he thinks). In the wake of his mistake, the detective leaves the force to become an alcoholic, with a candle phobia. When he returns he asks for a transfer to a new department and lands in Street Crime. He bonds with his new partner, mayhem ensues and he learns that the only way to defeat his personal demons is to pursue elusive criminal masterminds including “Nickel Nip,” whom Detective Malzone figures out is his identical twin, Haddix Malzone (portrayed by Cardinals’ fireballer Harvey Haddix).

‘B’ Plots: The Sarge (Ron Kline) is incompetent and the other detectives are crazy.


Cast:

Street Crime Unit

Frank Malzone as Detective Malzone


Tommy Davis as Detective Davis


George Scott as Detective Scott


Sal Bando as Detective Sal “Loose Cannon” Bando


Ron Kline as The Sarge



Villains

Bobby Thomson as "Bang Bang" in episode Shot In The Park


Wally Moon as "The Professor" in episode Evil has an MA


Moose Skowron as "The Moose" in episode Off Season Hunting


Rocky Bridges as "Chaw" in episode Bad Habits Die Hard


Harvey Haddix as Haddix “Nickel Nip” Malzone
in episodes Brothers in Blood (and Wax), Nickel In Change, Requiem For A Malzone, Family Reunion and Third Strike (Nickel Nipped)