Hall of Fame Brain Teaser

When I'm bored or trying to fall asleep, I like coming up with baseball brain teasers. Here's one that I haven't figured out yet:

Name a current Hall of Famer who never played on a team with another Hall of Famer.

I thought I had this figured out. I thought that George Brett was an answer, but then I remembered that Gaylord Perry was on the Royals in 1983, and Harmon Killebrew in 1975.

Another potential answer was Tony Gwynn, but he played with Roberto Alomar back in the late 1980s. Or how about the newly inducted Barry Larkin? Well, Tony Perez was on the 1986 Cincinnati squad, the year Larkin was called up.

It's sort of like a reverse Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon, and harder than you think. I'll post a list of the permutations later in the week, but in the meantime, post your responses as comments on this post.

Gaylord's Wet Stuff

Gaylord Perry, Baseball's All-Time Greats

A few years ago I was covering a celebrity baseball game in Scottsdale to kick off spring training. I was in the dugout taking pictures, and at one point everybody had left to warm up and the only people left in the dugout were me and Gaylord Perry. Now, if I were to make a list of Hall of Fame baseball players I'd like to meet, Gaylord Perry would probably not be on that list. That said, it was somewhat surreal, sharing a space with a Hall of Famer. I was actually kind of nervous; too nervous to make small talk -- "So, Gaylord ... baseball, huh?" He did pose for a few pictures though, action shots of him sitting there and looking like Wilfred Brimley. He was nice.

So anyway, I hope you liked that story where absolutely nothing happened.

Gaylord Perry made many moves -- fidgeting here, touching his face, or anything he could before delivering his pitch --

"Gaylord: Cheatin' or tweekin'?" would have been the headline of a snarky blog post had Perry pitched in 2012 instead of 1965.

a pitch widely suspected of resembling a "spitball".

That is how Joe Morgan would have described a Gaylord Perry pitch. Widely suspected of resembling? Here is how I would have written this:

"Gaylord Perry made many moves, like throwing a spitball and writing a book called, Me and the Spitter, which was about the spitball that he totally threw all the time."

But even though he was practically undressed by umpires in search of his "wet stuff,"

Umpire: Alright, Gaylord, take yer pants off. Been hearing some rumblin' from the fellas 'bout yer wet stuff, and s'bout time I went in to check for m'self.

Gaylord Perry: Can you buy me a drink first?

Finding the wet stuff was akin to locating WMD in Iraq, and ultimately led to the embarrassing end of that particular Umpire Administration's regime. Voters and fans wanted to know, "Where's the wet stuff?"

none was ever found

Except for: On August 23, 1982, he was ejected from a game against the Boston Red Sox for doctoring the ball, and given a 10-day suspension, and, again, Perry titling his 1974 autobiography, Me and the Spitter. Other than those things, and the endless anecdotes from catchers and opposing players and Perry himself about how he totally threw a spitball, all this spitball stuff is hearsay.

"Without the wet stuff, I've had enough." -- Johnny Cochrane

Perry presents the all-too-familiar dilemma: do we ignore his accomplishments due to his cheating, or do we ignore his cheating -- sometimes even laud it -- and focus on the overall package? The answer, as with steroids, lies somewhere in between. No doubt Perry's success was aided by an illegal pitch that both physically and mentally messed with hitters. He also, however, in 1972 threw 342 (!) innings, 29 complete games, struck out 234, posted a sub-2 ERA and sub-1 WHIP, and won the Cy Young. That's impressive no matter what he was doing to his balls.

Regardless, thanks to this very card, I think we can all agree that Gaylord Perry's legacy primarily involves the term wet stuff, so poetic in its construction. After all, is it not true to say that, at one time or another, each and every one of us has hid from view our proverbial wet stuff?

Baseball Card Game: Casting Agent

One of my favorite games is called Casting Agent. You choose, based on the photograph on the front of their baseball card, the perfect candidate for each role. This morning the show I’m casting is an ensemble dramedy I’ve titled “Man Cave.” It's along the lines of The Wonder Years, only replace the family unit in the 1960s with six middle-age men living under one roof.

The back story is that six friends made a pact in college that if they're single when they're 40, they'll find a way to live together. Needless to say, hilarity sometimes ensues and lessons are learned on every show.

And while it sounds an awful lot like the premise of the film Old School, this show does not take place on a college campus. It's simply a device to get all the main characters to live in one place. 

'A' Plot: After his wife kicks him out of their house, Gorff decides to round up his five best friends—each down on his luck and still trying to figure it all out—to live together in the ultimate man's house: big-screen TVs, cigars and brandy, a billiards room, Lay-z-boys, the whole nine yards.

'B' Plot: Gorff's dad wants to move into the Man Cave.

Main Characters

George Brett as Walter "Gorff" Gorffalberger,
a lovable oaf who can't seem to get it right

 Steve Garvey as Dick, a model-train enthusiast
who keeps adding HO-scale train track around the Man Cave

Chuck Muncie as Books, a French teacher at the local high school. Known to his students as Monsieur Etienne.

Vincente Romo as Simon Jaffacake, a dance instructor

 Danny Frisella as Jerry - Most of his dialogue is unintelligible: he talks very fast and ends each bit of dialogue in uncontrollable laughter

Keith Moreland as Ronnie Limberger - just known as Limberger - job unknown

with Gaylord Perry as Dad

Other recurring characters

Amy Madigan as Alice Gorffalberger, Gorff's soon-to-be-ex-wife

Pete Rose as Pete, Alice's new live-in boyfriend and Gorff's old Army buddy

John Henry Johnson as Mario - a rival dance studio instructor and Simon's secret crush 

Pascual Perez as Stephon, their wacky neighbor

Jim Fregosi as Mr. Sneed, Gorff's boss 

Ken MacKenzie as Johnnie Limberger, Limberger's older, less successful brother

Mike Schmidt as Fran, Gorff's rival at his job

Rick Waits as Looks - Books' best friend and colleague at the high school

If There's A Topps Archivist...

I understand that there's a secret broom closet at Topps HQ that doubles as the company archive, even though they're selling their file cards on their Topps Vault website. But what I want to know is, does Topps employ a baseball card historian? I'd like to think so, but I'm really not so sure that they're that concerned with the big picture (in my opinion they definitely should be).

So if there's a Topps Archivist plugged in somewhere at One Whitehall, I'd think that they would want to have these in their collection...

Gaylord Perry Autograph Letter to Sy Berger

1985 Topps Set, Personal Gift from Sy Berger

1982-83 Topps Catalog (for players)