www.Sluggers.com

GUYS WHO WANTS TO PLAY FANTASY BASEBALL CARDS????????

It's Fantasy Baseball Sluggers 2002! It's an "All-New Improved Game!" The 2001 version was hella lame, but now? NOW you can ...

Play FREE online for your chance to win a trip for four to the 2002 MLB ALL-Star Game

!!! SPOILER ALERT: The 2002 All-Star Game ends in a tie BUT produces this:

So it's gonna be dope. Anyway, I know what you're saying: "That's cool about playing this weird game online for free and maybe winning a chance to go to the All-Star Game. But what I REALLY want to do is go to the 2003 Major League Baseball Player's Association Big League Challenge ..."

or a trip for four to the 2003 MLBPA Big League Challenge

AWESOME!!!!!!!! What is that? Doesn't matter. Prolly gonna have crazy dope sluggers there, like this guy:

Or maybe even this guy:

Plus a box of cards is given away every week of the season!

I LOVE CARDS. Any big name brands?

/passes out/

It doesn't matter when during the 2002 season you join in, so get online now and start playing for your chance to win big!
www.Sluggers.com

Just logged on. Getting mad error messages, son! What gives? You trying to tell me www.sluggers.com doesn't have a shelf life of at least 11 years? GODADDY.COM THAT B*T*H. Is there another website where I can activate my card number? I have a card number.

How does this game even work?

(goes online to sluggers.com) DANG this is more challenging than last year! But also more FUN! (changes Ruben Sierra from "DH" to "fullback") Ha, ha, dumbass! (pulls Jeremy Giambi card) Ugh, I don't like this ... (tries to put card back into computer) "ERROR, ERROR - YOU HAVE EXCEEDED THE MAXIMUM SLOTAGE" Darn it, whatever, gonna create a whole new team ... (creates new team called "your MOM is a slugger lolz") Need five players, let's go with ... Curt Schilling and Alfonso Soriano to start ... "ERROR, ERROR, ONE PLAYER PER CARD; CURT SCHILLING IN NOT A SLUGGER" ... The hell? This sucks. (logs off, turns on "Friends") Ha ha ... Joey, you idiot.

Grinded by the Light

David Eckstein, 2002 Fleer "Triple Crown" series

David Eckstein is the forefather of grinders. His story is a remarkable and popular one -- born nine months premature, he grinded his way to five feet seven inches in height, tall enough to attend college. From there he walked on to the baseball team -- not by walking but by grinding -- and then led them to 16 consecutive semester championships. Eventually he grinded to the bigs, where every team he ever played for won the World Series. He only retired when he could no longer throw the ball from second to first -- he grinded it there, which worked for a while, but then modern runners became faster thanks to steroids, and the curtain was drawn.

The above story has been told so many times it seems impossible to find anything David Eckstein-related that does not indulge in the urge to mention it. I did, however, locate a baseball card that seems to have gotten its story from an unreliable source.

The quirky Eckstein

David Eckstein has been described as a lot of things -- grinder, scrappy, grinder, scrappy, scrapper, grindy, "Scraps," Grindy McGrinderson, etc. -- but never quirky. Quirky is how we describe people like Carl Everett, who doesn't believe in dinosaurs. David Eckstein believes in dinosaurs. David Eckstein IS a dinosaur, in that he is a throwback named Grindosaurus Ecks.

was a standout personality and athlete for the Florida Gators

I am unsure if David Eckstein was/is a standout personality. I have never heard him speak, probably because so many people have decided to speak for him. Telling inappropriate albeit hilarious jokes at parties and doing keg stands (the only known ways to define "standout personality") is not, however, the typical life of a grinder. Grinders remain quiet, because grinding requires so much focus and hard work. "Let him get the glory," is the motto of the grinder. "I'll be here doing the little things to help us win, like being mad short and choking up 12 feet on my bat so I don't strikeout."

team that finished third in the 1996 College World Series.

Also incorrect. First of all, you can't finish third in a World Series. You either win it or you don't. Pretty sure the Atlanta Braves aren't all like, "Hooray, we finished tenth in the 2012 World Series WHERE'S OUR TROPHY?" Also, the Florida Gators won the 1996 College World Series because David Eckstein was on the team.

So this card has it all wrong, but that's okay because nobody -- not even Fleer's 2002 "Triple Crown" series -- is perfect. And actually, the inaccuracy of this card does well to highlight the grindiness of Eckstein himself, since grinders are often misunderstood. Sometimes the grinding is mistaken for "showing up" the athletes with more talent but less desire. Sometimes genuine grinding is mistaken for ironic grinding -- "Yo, check it out, dude is hustling down the line when he's obviously out. HA! Hilarious! We should invite him to the party later." But true grinders always shine through, and the way you can tell is how their light reflects on to others.

'The Scrapbook,' Starring Hideo Nomo

Hideo Nomo, 2002 Fleer "2001 Scrapbook"

If everybody could please open their scrapbooks to the year 2001 ...

While you do that I will go around the room, examine your scrapbooks and provide comments.

William, nice work ... Kevin, your scrapbook is terrible, I hate it ... Marcus, it's obvious your mother helped you, and you are like 48 now so that is super weird ... I am tired from walking. Everyone else, whatever.

Now that you are at the year 2001, please flip to that most special moment from all of your respective lives that year -- the time Hideo Nomo threw a no-hitter versus the Orioles. Let us all take a few moments to examine our page and reflect on what that grand event meant to us and our families ...

Would anyone like to share how they organized their Hideo Nomo page, and possibly what they would change if they could go back in time 12 years ago? Marcus?

Marcus: Okay, well, I put a picture of Hideo Nomo that I printed off the Internet -- the Internet was really big back then, ya' know? -- and then I cut the edges like this with my scissors, so it looks all cool and crap. Then I added some flowers around the corners because I like flowers and figured maybe Hideo Nomo does too, since he's Chinese and they have a lot of flowers there, my mom says. Then I added the headline in orange highlighter, "Nomo no-no," which I actually stole from every headline I read that day.

Okay, decent. A few things. First, the Internet is still big. Also, Hideo Nomo is Japanese, so you are racist. Now, what would you change if it were even at all possible to change a scrapbook?

Marcus: Well, I would probably do something completely different because in retrospect, Hideo Nomo's no-hitter versus the Orioles seems like a strange thing to scrapbook. I mean, I wasn't even there, and I don't really like him all that much.

Get out. NOW.

Marcus: Also, I would change the headline to read, "Nomo no-no No. 2" because it was actually his second no-hitter! It would be awesome if the number two was "no" in Chinese. Wait, is it? Because then it would have said, "Nomo no-no No. no." Anyway, his FIRST no-hitter is recorded in my other Hideo Nomo scrapbook. That no-hitter actually happened on the same day I got married, and my wife is always joking with me like, "You scrapbook more about Hideo Nomo than you do about us!" Ha, ha ... at least she used to say that. Before the divorce. Before Carl. Anyway, there are more flowers though in this scrapbook because this no-hitter happened in early spring, and in fact, it's the earliest no-hitter of the cal--

I SAID GET OUT!