You Lose All, You Win All

Question:

Zero chances. Impossible. No way. I mean 0-6? That is the worst thing I have ever heard. Gritless. Gutless performance. Fire him from the minors. Actually KILL HIM. No coming back from that. Stick a fork in 'em. Done. Chances at major league stardom? PFFTT. Get a clue, jerkwad. Lose minor league games much? Yes, is the answer. Wasn't a rhetorical question, idiot. You're the worst person.

Ordinarily, nil.

Always, nil. A scenario does not exist where the answer is not "nil," so your "ordinarily" is sugar-coating. End of discussion. Let's talk about something else. I am tired of talking about terrible pitchers who are dumb and stupid.

But Chris, who did that in the Triple-A American Association in '90, isn't an ordinary pitcher.

Why, does he pitch from his butt instead of his hand? What does this mean? What am I even reading right now? Who is Chris?

 Chris

Oh. 'Sup.

A tall, lean southpaw with an outstanding curveball,

That is extremely NOT ordinary - some would even say extraordinary. Tall AND lean? I am beginning to reconsider my notion that a pitcher could go 0-6 in the minors and still attain major league stardom. If anyone could do it, Chris could. Prolly not though, still.

he had started the season, only his second in pro ball at Double-A Jacksonville and was promoted to Indianapolis in mid-June.

Don't even tell me he went 0-6 there.

Despite going winless in the AA

If you replace "the" with another "A" and move it next to the other "A"s, then what you've said is accurate and normal. Also, did he die after that happened? I would die of embarrassment.

Chris was brought up to the Expos in mid-August to replace the traded Zane Smith in the starting rotation.

"Yo, we traded the fart face guy. So uh, I dunno ... let's bring up the dude who literally cannot win in the minors. I think it will be good and ensure the stability and location of our franchise." - Expos dudes

Did he ever!

Calm down. Just tell me what happened.

Chris won his first five decisions, giving up only 19 hits in 30 IP. He went 6-0 when he pitched his first major league CG and shutout, beating the Mets

LOL Mets

2-0 on a brilliant one-hitter.

This is cray. It's almost as if the fact that he struck out 44 and walked ONE in AAA was more important than the fact he went 0-6, and that he pitched pretty much the same as he always did - well - when he reached the bigs and had success because wins are stupid and gross.

Who needs to win big in the minors anyway?

Ha, great rhetorical question to end this amazing storybook story of a story! Nobody, silly! Well, at least not Chris Nabholz! Ha, ha! Man, the Mets suck.

 Chris Nabholz, 1991 Score

Mark McGwire Will Never Make the Hall of Fame

I wrote this back in July 2010, but with the Hall of Fame vote results expected tomorrow, I thought it was timely to bring it back to the front. -BH

And he knows it.

There are certain stigmas players can't get over when it comes to Hall of Fame enshrinement: gambling, drugs, cheating, and monumentally frosty relations with sportswriters. Oh, and a low batting average or a high ERA.

What about an alcohol problem? Next round's on me, Mickey. Were you a racist brawler? Hey, Ty Cobb is in there as an original member. Did you engage in folk-hero-esque cheating as a player? Get in here Gaylord, you lovable scamp.

Gambling is pretty cut-and-dry. Pete Rose? Never means never, man. Hal Chase? Not gonna happen. Shoeless Joe? I don't care if you have the IQ of a raisin, you just can't accept money or the promise of money from a known gambler. Of course, there are others who dodged the gambling bullet (John McGraw (he owned a pool hall, for pete's sake!), Tris Speaker, Ty Cobb), and don't forget that Mickey Mantle and Willie Mays were briefly, officially exiled by Bowie Kuhn for conduct detrimental to the spirit of the game because of their post-retirement associations with casinos (as greeters, no less).

Drugs is less cut-and-dry, but let's just say that when your drug nickname makes it onto the front of your 1989 Topps card, you better just enjoy the moment there, Rock Raines, because while the Hall opens its doors for drunks, it does so with less frequency for known drug users. In fact, I think it's safe to say that if you were somehow involved in the Pittsburgh Drug Trials or perjured yourself in front of Congress whilst denying steroid abuse, you're not going to make it to the Hall. And honestly, the double standard is a shame. Especially in light of the "character" issue Hall voters use to judge players. So what – alcohol is ok but not drugs? Seems a little hollow. I mean, what if society was big into social drug use and drinking was considered a breakdown in morals? I'm guessing it would be the other way around, no?

What's important here is that between these two events — Pittsburgh Drug Trials and the House Committee hearing after the Mitchell Report — we're talking about a lot of talented players who will have the drug albatross around their necks forever. Guys like Dave Parker, Keith Hernandez, and Tim Raines, Rafael Palmeiro, Jason Giambi, Andy Pettitte, Gary Sheffield, Roger Clemens, Barry Bonds, and yes, Mark McGwire, to name but a very few. And in the end, it doesn't matter if drugs in any form were rampant or the accepted culture of the game: to make it to the hallowed Hall, you have to do it cleanly, on your own two legs.

So back to the original idea: Mark McGwire never making it into the Hall of Fame has nothing to do with statistics, though I think he's only a borderline Hall of Famer based solely on stats. And before that vein in your forehead pops, let me say this: being a prodigious home run hitter does not get you into the Hall of Fame by itself. You have to do lots of other things, too. Having a decent batting average helps, as does a relatively high hits total. McGwire was a career .263 hitter, with a total of 1,626 hits. Over a third of those were home runs.

Did you want McGwire in your lineup? Yes. Was it exciting to watch him break Maris's record? Of course. Did he take copious amounts of muscle-enhancing drugs? All signs point to yes. Were those drugs illegal at the time he took them? Ehhhh, no...

And this could be McGwire's saving grace: when he took them, the drugs he took weren't illegal in the eyes of baseball. But now, in this post-shit-hitting-fan period where we're debating his eternal baseball immortality, the drugs are illegal. And not only that, but the drugs association is a bad one to have. A very bad one.

Statistically, McGwire could make it. But it's going to take him a heck of a long time to garner enough support. For one thing, he denied, denied, and denied again. They he shunned the spotlight. And after a tearful admission, his case seems really weak. Weak like "I'm only saying this so I can work again" weak.

Sportswriters and Hall of Fame voters may have a tendency to worship the ground sports heroes walk on, but when it comes time to vote on enshrinement, the player's entire history comes into play — not just what they said recently.