The Club

Rafael Palmeiro, 1994 Topps Stadium Club "Home Run Club"

Welcome to "hr club," only the most exclusive collection of human resource professionals in the country. Network with like-minded HR reps, develop new strategies for hiring and firing, learn about sexual harassment in the workplace and how to help facilitate employee-employer relationships.

J/K IT'S THE HOME RUN CLUB, Y'ALL.

 

Q: What does one have to do to get into HR Club?

A: HIT HOME RUNS.

Q: How many home runs, specifically?

A: LOTS OF 'EM, WE'LL BE THE JUDGE, OKAY?

Q: Any other requirements?

A: BIG FOREARMS/TWO PLUS YEARS EXPERIENCE AT DOUBLES CLUB.

Q: What's the first rule of HR Club?

A: WIPE YOUR FEET BEFORE ENTERING.

Q: So it's an actual club with a physical headquarters?

A: NO. COMMON FREAKING COURTESY.

Q: What's the second rule of HR Club?

A: LOVE THY NEIGHBOR/HIT HOME RUNS.

Q: That's two rules.

A: THERE ARE NO RULES.

Q: How do you know if someone belongs to HR Club so you can show him the proper respect?

A: HE OR SHE J/K HE WILL WEAR A BADGE WITH A PHOTO OF HIMSELF TAPED TO IT IN WHICH HE IS DISPLAYING HIS MASSIVE FOREARMS AND LOOKING OFF MENACINGLY INTO THE DISTANCE.

Q: Can't anyone make one of those?

A: IT WILL HAVE A SEAL. AND IT WILL BE RAFAEL PALMEIRO.

Q: Any perks to being a member of HR Club?

A: GET INTO ANY PARTICIPATING REAL CLUB LIKE KNIGHTS OF COLUMBUS OR MISTY'S NIGHTCLUB OR WHATEVER FOR FREE; 15 PERCENT OFF AT KOHLS WHEN YOU USE YOUR KOHLS CARD.

Q: When was HR Club established?

A: DON'T HAVE TO WAIT AT LINE AT GREAT ADVENTURE ON TUESDAYS, IS ANOTHER PERK I FORGOT TO MENTION EARLIER.

Q: Does home run club have a motto?

A: "THIS AIN'T YOUR MOTHER'S HOME RUN CLUB" OR "GO BACK TO SLAP-HITTER'S CLUB" OR "PFFT" STILL WORKING ON IT.

Q: According to this card, Rafael Palmeiro hit 37 home runs in 1993 and is a member of HR Club. Is there anything else this card has to offer in the way of information?

A: NO.

Q: Thank you.

A: NOT A QUESTION.