I’ll give you three guesses as to what’s on the back of
this Felix Hernandez card that I (and by “I” I mean my 5-year-old daughter from
whom I hijacked this card to write about it on a blog) received while at Safeco
Field during a Mariners game.
Go ahead.
Are you good?
Do you have three guesses?
OK cool. I don’t want to hear about your guesses because
they are all wrong.
For real this is the back of the card. It’s a baby who is
maybe morphing into a butterfly, or vice versa … I’m not certain of the science
behind that process. Or maybe it’s a baby who has butterfly wings because it’s
a hybrid butterfly-baby formed in a BASF lab. Who knows. The point is:
baseball.
This card also asks the timeless question:
How can you make tomorrow love today?
which, ???????????????????????????????????????????????
Seriously though, how CAN you make tomorrow love today?
Let’s ask Mariners pitcher Felix Hernandez.
Me: Hi, King
Felix. I was wondering, how can you make tomorrow love today?
Felix Hernandez:
I don’t know for sure, papi. Maybe, like … if we channel our hopes and dreams
into our current state of consciousness, we can marry anticipation with the
present and experience a slice of heaven on earth. Like this … (blows on passing butterfly, which turns
into a baby and lands in my lap)
Me: Uh, what am I
supposed to do with this?
Felix Hernandez:
I don’t know … raise it? Listen, are we done? I have to pitch a baseball game
now.
Me: (raise child as my own, grow to love it, it eventually
teaches me how to make tomorrow love today)
Child: Welp,
looks like my work here is done. (sprouts
butterfly wings and flies toward the sky)
Me: wtf
Judging SOLELY from this post on a baseball card blog, you might not yet be ready to be a parent oops
ReplyDeleteThe stealing of baseball cards and releasing of children into the atmosphere is not indicative of my overall parenting abilities. Small sample size.
ReplyDeleteI'd like to believe you, but until you prove it to me, I'm afraid we can't put you in charge of anything less needy than a Mazda Miata.
ReplyDeleteWow. This post made me feel like I was in college trapped in a room with a bunch of my friends who smoked, playing Sega Genesis, and eating lots and lots of Pringles.
ReplyDeleteWe'll take that as a compliment? Sure, why not! Thanks, Fuji!
ReplyDeleteUm...is it wierd that I want the butterfly baby King Felix card? I have a mound of Mattingly with your name on it (or some cartoon-type cards with your 5-year old's name on them - whatever it takes).
ReplyDeleteI totally would do that, TJJ ... were it not for the fact that it's actually not my card but my daughter's. Who, granted, will lose it or destroy it before I'm done writing this. Nevertheless :/
ReplyDelete