Three Shots to the Dome

Jim Dyck, 1953 "Topps Archives"

A major question in the sports world is: what is a brown? Like if your team is the Browns, what does that mean? What does a brown look like? Is it a bulldog? The color orange? All of these answers are correct - a brown can be anything we want it to be! - but the most correct answer happens when we go back in time (Michael J. Fox). Many people who are young and stupid don't remember this, but the St. Louis Cardinals used to be the Birmingham Nazis. After that they were the St. Louis Browns. Back then, a brown was this:

Circa 1953, a brown was commonly known as a red cherubic-looking Satan cartoon person with antennas who looks at you with a dastardly grin as he plots your ultimate demise. It's like, oh, your team is the "Giants?" What is a giant? Oh yeah, a giant is a giant ... real original. Giants aren't even real.

So anyway, Jim Dyck blah blah blah whatever. Like any kid collecting baseball cards in 1953, forget about the stupid player - let's get to the dugout quiz!

Guys, omg, remember when it cost only a nickel to throw three baseballs at the head of a baseball player who sticks his head out of a hole so you can throw baseballs at his head?? Inflation is cray. Last summer I went to a local carnival and it cost me THREE BUCKS to throw three baseballs at the head of a baseball player who sticks his head out of a hole so you can throw baseballs at his head. I don't want to brag, but I won my daughter a stuffed giraffe AND I caused what was described as "a record-breaking concussion."

How does this graphic = dugout quiz? Is it like, don't get the wrong answer or we will throw baseballs at your head like this is some demented Japanese game show?

DUGOUT QUIZ QUICK WHAT IS A BROWN?

Ummm, a brown is brown? (baseball to head)

WHAT IS A BROWN?

(throws up) (baseball to head)

LAST CHANCE WHAT IS A BROWN?

(dies) (baseball to head but doesn't matter because already dead)

WRONG HA HA ANSWER WAS UPSIDE DOWN THE WHOLE TIME NEXT CONTESTANT!