MAD Flopps - 2nd Series

I was going through a stack of old magazines this evening. These were on the back of a copy of MAD from 1990. It was pretty beat-up, and one of the squares was torn and ruined. Here are the other eight...

Dude Puts on Twenty

Lenny Dykstra, 1989 Score

It seems silly now, considering his much publicized fall from grace, but in his heyday Lenny Dykstra was literally the most popular person in the universe. Imagine if David Eckstein chewed tobacco and was good at baseball, and you have only a fraction of an idea of how beloved Lenny Dykstra was. I mean, his name was Lenny for crying out loud. It doesn't get more blue collar than that.

He won over two rival cities with his charm and elegance. He had many nicknames, including "Nails" for his tough-as-nails persona (note: nails are very tough, except when I try to hammer them and bend them because I am tougher than nails and also terrible at hammering); "Dude," apparently; and, along with former teammate Wally Backman, "Wild Boys," for, according to Wikipedia, their scrappy play and propensity to serve as the spark plugs for a star-studded lineup. Wild boys = spark plugs for a star-studded lineup, and has nothing to do with off-the-field activities, in which neither Dykstra nor Backman ever participated. There is indeed something very wild and animalistic about getting on base so Darryl Strawberry can drive you in with a home run. That type of untamed spirit is typically locked in a zoo.

Dykstra was Nails, a dude, wild, a spark plug, a scrapper, a hustler, white, a bunter (above), a hunter (of runs ... and also bears, maybe), a ferocious competitor, a throwback, gutsy, and owner of big heart that pumped the blood necessary for winning baseball games by any means. Another thing Dykstra was good at, according to this baseball card, was increasing in mass size over the span of only a few months:

Lenny, the Mets' fiesty leadoff batter,

Hey, I forgot to mention that Dykstra was also fiesty. It's kind of a given, yes, but still -- I apologize.

bulked up during the offseason by lifting weights and went into 1988 with some 20 extra pounds of muscle.

All on the up and up. Obviously this card is more incriminating than praiseworthy, but this is just one of many "guy dedicated himself to lifting and gained X-amount of weight during the offseason" anecdotes we have all read about forever. Now, even though I blog about my old baseball cards, I am not a doctor, so I do wonder: what is a conceivable amount of weight for a grown man to gain naturally as a result of intense weight-lifting? I would say -- again, not a doctor -- zero pounds, unless that person is also eating the weights. If the person is supplementing these intense workouts with a consistent diet of extra large bananas (heavy in weight-mass protons), then I would say ... five pounds? Twenty pounds is a lot of pounds. In Lenny's defense, it's difficult to pose shirtless for a Beefcake poster when you're not adequately beefed up. From Wiki:

he even removed his shirt to pose for a "beefcake" poster under the "Nails" nickname.

What is a beefcake poster? Is that a thing? I will Google that later and get back to you. (I think they mean it literally -- he was shirtless under the headline "Nails" -- but I like how it reads that he posed "under the 'Nails' nickname," as if it was an alias to protect his true identity. I am going to pose for a Beefcake poster under the nickname "Mike" and see if anyone notices.) Anyway, upon seeing the new Super Lenny, fellow Wild Boy Wally Backman commented, "I'll have what HE'S having!" and then expounded upon the joke by stating it was from the new movie, When Wally Met Lenny. When no one laughed at that reference, he punched everybody in the face like a wild beast.

Steroids were just one of Dykstra's vices. In recent months and years, everybody has piled on ol' Lenny, and rightly so because, man -- he does NOT come across well in every single thing that has been written or said about him of late, and also he is in jail. But if Lenny Dykstra the person is very flawed, let us then focus on Lenny Dykstra the player, who, although he kind of sort of cheated, was really good at playing baseball. It may have been the only thing he didn't fake.

The Lumberjack

Luis Medina, 1989 Baseball Cards magazine

Apparently, I cut this “Baseball Cards Rookie Stars of 1989” card from Baseball Cards magazine. I was undoubtedly lured—if not by the potential of Luis Medina alone—by the descriptive title, “Baseball Cards,” figuring this baseball card would go nicely with my collection of baseball cards. Also, I am unsure how well this comes across on these here Interwebs, but please note that I cut along the top border of the card so as to make it appear as crown molding or something. I am unsure if the card in its original state led to me to do this, or if this idea was borne of my own creative inspiration. Either way, it’s quite a bit of handiwork.

So obviously, Luis Medina was a Rookie Star of 1989 who stood proudly in front of his home flag of … Luxembourg? The Netherlands? Yugoslavia? I am unsure. It is also possible those are just random lines. He played for the Indians of Cleveland.

Whether he finally winds up as an outfielder, a first baseman or a designated hitter, Luis Medina will be a major league hitter.

Wow, that is a bold statement with regards to this Major League Baseball player who plays for the Cleveland Indians of Major League Baseball.

Everything he’s done in the minor leagues points to that.

Another thing that points to that is that he is already in the major leagues.

Drafted an amazing seven times

???????????????????? Who gets drafted seven times? What is that?

before finally being signed, Luis put together four superb minor league seasons in the Indians’ organization before finally getting the callup to Cleveland in September 1988. He didn’t disappoint.

Medina hit six home runs in 51 at-bats, and posted a .255/.309/.608, so no, he did not disappoint. From there he also did not disappoint, as, according to Wikipedia, Medina also holds the trivial distinction of having the fewest career RBI among all players with exactly 10 career home runs. So there is that. It is an odd thing that Medina’s stay in the bigs was a brief one, considering he had the swing of a lumberjack.

Scout: Got a guy here you gotta see. Been drafted six times. Hits a bunch of home runs. Swings likes a lumberjack.

GM: He swings likes a lumberjack? What does that mean? Is that good?

Scout: Of course it’s good! Like a lumberjack, you know … with a lot of power or whatever.

GM: But are you saying he swings mechanically like a lumberjack? Like he literally tries to swing down on the baseball and chop it in half? Because that’s not really the kind of player we’re looking for.

Scout: YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN, CARL! Hey Luis!

Luis Medina: Wearing boots, suspenders, and a hat that covers his eyes. Yep?

Scout: Hit a home run!

Medina: Sure thing! Swings axe, cuts baseball in half, both halves go over the fence.

GM: Okay, sign him. Like I always say, seventh time’s a charm.

Rickey Being Naked

Rickey Henderson, 1991 Score Dream Team series

Score’s Dream Team series was mostly sort of weird. But this one … this card right here is just … man. This is an awesome baseball card, the precursor to ESPN’s “Body” series, which has morphed into something overtly sexual and awkward. (Instead of getting ready to steal a base, ESPN would have had Rickey completely naked, covering up his genitalia with a playful look that said, “Don’t steal my penis!”)

I’m also not sure any baseball card of my youth was more flattering to the player featured. All baseball cards are 3 ½ X 2 ½” pieces of cardboard, but the difference between the above card and this one are evidence that not all cards are created equal. I doubt Rickey minded the attention.

Score: Rickey, it’s Score. We need you to come to the studio tomorrow for the Dream Team series photo shoot.

Rickey: Cool. Rickey’ll be there. You want me to wear my stocking cap and beauty rest blindfold to go along with the "dream" theme?

Score: Actually … we need you to bring just a pair of spandex and a gold chain.

Rickey: Got it.

Next day, Rickey arrives wearing suit, changes in fitting room, shoot goes smoothly.

20 years later …

Score: So, true story: We’re doing a ‘Dream Team’ photo shoot in which Rickey is going to pose, essentially, naked. So I call him up the day before and say, ‘Rickey, just bring spandex and a gold chain.’ He says, ‘Rickey don’t understand.’ I say, ‘Don’t worry about it, Rickey, just trust me.’ So the next day, we’re all sitting in the studio getting ready, and in walks Rickey … barefoot, wearing only the spandex and gold chain! I say, ‘Rickey, we have a changing room here!’ He says, ‘Rickey don’t care. Rickey went to the grocery store first, and being there like this felt Liberace.’ I said, ‘Rickey, do you mean liberating?’ So he says, ‘Rickey knew a guy who used to wear a helmet like that,’ as he’s pointing to a naked Jon Olerud in the corner, whose shoot we just did. I said, ‘Rickey, Jon Olerud is your teammate!’”

(By the way, I am aware that Score went to the Rickey Henderson Naked well often. That does put a slight damper on this card, but still.)

Rickey infuriates, distracts and disrupts an opponent

Especially when he is standing at first base naked. By the way, there is so much I remember about Rickey Henderson as a kid—he hit a leadoff home run at the first Yankee game my dad ever took me to—not the least of which is the way he affected the entire flow of a baseball game when he reached first base. Part of the reason I love this card so much is because it captured everything he was about as a player with one pose. Yes, he’s going to steal … but look at that power. The other reason I love this card is because I like hot bodies.

But most of all, Rickey “has a way of unnerving pitchers, forcing them to do things they don’t ordinarily do,” says pitcher Kirk McCaskill.

Pitcher: Well, I don’t normally do this, but since Rickey’s on base … does robot.

1976 Topps Traded: The Missing Cards - #115T Ken Holtzman (part 2)

I'm calling this Missing Card "part two" because Holtzman was traded twice in 1976: in April from the A's to the Orioles as part of the Reggie Jackson trade, and then at the June trade deadline to the Yankees. To see the front of "part one," check out our Facebook page.

(And yes, I plan on creating backs and pairing them with fronts in a permanent gallery page when the "Missing Cards" project is complete.)

1976 Topps Traded: The Missing Cards - #319T Pedro Garcia

Pedro Garcia was an unremarkable player. After a nice rookie year in 1973 (if hitting .245 can be considered "nice") his production dropped off the map. He was shipped to Motor City for Gary Sutherland near the trading deadline in 1976. He mopped up his career in 1977 with the new Toronto Blue Jays.

I chose this headline because it seems like this is what Topps would've done: say something nice rather than say nothing at all.

Congrats to Million Page View Giveaway Winners!

They said it couldn't be done. They said, with nearly 40 entries not affiliated with The Blog in any way (ahem, Mike Kenny), the odds were stacked against them. But somehow, some way—actually, using Random.org's random-number generator—these five commenters found a way (again, with the random-number generator) to come out on top.

Nice work everybody. Way to be completely random. Now on to the winners...

Facebook commenter Shane K came away with this semi-awesome, semi-amazing, and totally glossy group of Swell Baseball Greats. Congratulations Shane K on your new set of drink coasters, er, priceless additions to your baseball card collection.

Blog commenter Uncle John's Band is the new owner of these way cool vintage semistar Topps cards. Though would you ever call Bill Freehan a "semistar" to his face? I know I wouldn't.

Lucky Facebook commenter BA Benny can now welcome these three horrifying yellow blazers from that hard-to-find early Nineties gem 1991 Fleer to their collection. Congratulations? I'm not sure.

And good tidings are in order for Blog commenter Mark the proud new owner of the Ichiro box-topper and the Ryan Howard Goudey SP. Way to go Mark! By the way, that Ichiro card is still in its wrapper! (Is this still a thing we get excited about? I mean—AWESOME!)

And finally, drum roll please, I would like to congratulate Facebook commenter Mike G, the new owner of these weather-beaten cards of Hall of Famers Ed Mathews, Johnny Bench, Billy Williams, and Brooks Robinson. Like a pack of hobo drifters, plucked from the bicycle spokes of history, these four cards are incredible. Enjoy.

To everyone else, your consolation prize ain't bad, either: More Missing Card posts, hilarity from Mike Kenny, and new projects from the PunkRockPaint laboratory are coming to The Baseball Card Blog in the next year. Thanks for the comments and for reading!

One Million Page Views Giveaway

In case you don't follow The Baseball Card Blog on Facebook, we are approaching our 1,000,000th page view here on The Blog. What started as a little place for me to dump my ideas about finding "the perfect pack" has steamrolled over the last five years (with a year's hiatus tossed in) into a compendium of custom card art, editorials, speculation, and reviews, and, since 2010, hilarious posts from Mike Kenny and amazing custom work from PunkRockPaint.

But we never would have reached this unlikely milestone if it weren't for you. So to celebrate, we're running a little giveaway on our Facebook fan page and this post and you could win one of these somewhat fabulous groups of cards:

So how can you participate? Leave a comment on our Facebook fan page on our One Million Page Views Giveaway post or here on this blog post.


Three Facebook commenters and two commenters on this post will be chosen at random in the evening on Friday, June 8th (ET).

Not a Facebook fan? Check out our fan page here: The Baseball Card Blog on Facebook

Singing for an Unsung

Randy Velarde,1995 Pinnacle

Today’s card comes courtesy of baseball card blogger and generally pleasant person, Chunter. Let us all thank and praise him!

Unfortunately I had gone months without thinking about Randy Velarde, but Chunter was able to remedy that with one quick email. My wish now is that all of you will think about Randy Velarde more often, like I do, and in the manner that I do, which is to say fondly, with a sprinkle of not knowing his ethnicity.

As a Yankee fan growing up, Randy Velarde was always, like …how do I put this? … there. On the team. Doing things. Being around. Stuff like that. I have many memories of him being on the team when things happened.

I have just gone back and re-read the above paragraph, and I do not think I have adequately captured what I am feeling re: Randy Velarde. I need some help. Back of the card?

Randy is the type of player most teams would gladly carry on their roster.

Bam. There it is. Normally I don’t like to promote sensationalism, but you’ve got me hooked, card. I want to know more. For example, 1) what makes teams glad about having Randy Velarde on their roster?2) Are teams that do not have Randy Velarde on their roster sad? 3) You say“most” teams. Are there teams that are open about not being glad about potentially having Randy Velarde on their roster? Can you tell me which teams these are so I can hate them? (None of these questions will be answered, by the way.)

In case you have not felt the impact of this lede, consider that “We’d be glad to carry you on our roster” is the “you complete me” of organization-to-baseball-player compliments.

Largely unsung,

I find it hard to believe that this bench player who makes his organization glad by being on the roster is not also a superstar. As we can see by the word "largely," Velarde IS sung in some small circles, so there is that. But I do wonder how a player like Velarde manages to press on without the accolades reserved for people who are better than him at baseball.

he is nonetheless one of the more valuable Yankees for all the things he can do.

In the interest of fairness, I wanted to set this statement against my own personal value rankings of the Top 10 ’95 Yankees, along with a brief statement of what makes each player so valuable.

1)     Don Mattingly (most valuable player fo’ life)

2)     Pat Kelly (Irish)

3)     Melido Perez (jheri curl)

4)     Scott Bankhead (funny name)

5)     Wade Boggs (beer drinker, horse rider)

6)     Randy Velarde (does lots of things)

7)     Jack McDowell (rocker)

8)     Paul O’Neill (always pissed off, Irish)

9)     Darryl Strawberry (hits home runs sometimes)

10) Steve Howe (jk)

Granted, these value rankings aren’t necessarily what someone would call “sabermetric,” but I don't apologize that they're FROM MY GUT, OKAY? I also think they show beyond the shadow of a doubt that Randy Velarde was, in fact, one of the more valuable Yankees of his era. But let’s get more specific as to why.

Mainly, Randy fills in at second base, shortstop, third and left field quite frequently.

- - - - - - - -

Bar, Manhattan

Woman: Hey, handsome. What’s your name?

Randy Velarde: Name’s Randy. I’m largely unsung.

Woman: Hmmm, interesting. What do you do?

Velarde: Well, I don’t like to brag, but I do fill in at second base, shortstop, third base, and left field … quite frequently.

Woman: Sounds valuable. Can you buy me a drink?

End scene.

- - - - - - - -

He’s almost like a guy who plays regularly but he doesn’t have a regular position.

He’s almost like a guy who is like that. Not quite though.But you keep at it, Randy Velarde, and maybe someday the back of a baseball card will definitively recognize you as a regular player without a regular position.

Always ready when called upon,

Far be it from me to nitpick praise for Randy Velarde, butt hat’s sort of his job. Were he not ready, that would be a problem.

Buck Showalter: Randy, get in there!

Randy Velarde: Can't! Not ready.

Showalter: Oh, my bad. In an unrelated matter, you're fired.

Velarde: I'm ready now!

Randy hits the ball to all fields, advances runners and gets on base.

The role player trifecta, if you replace "gets on base" with "does whatever it takes to win." In 1999 Velard e hit 16 home runs and posted a solid .845 OPS as an everyday player. Granted, he may have been aided in this endeavor by parking lot steroid injections, but whatever. That's just an example of a largely unsung guy trying to be more valuable, and I'm not here to pass judgement. I'm here to say: Randy Velarde, you can fill in at (position) on the roster of my nostalgia anytime.

1976 Topps Traded: The Missing Cards - #255T Fritz Peterson

 

Everybody (except me) noticed that I mistakenly included Larry Biittner instead of Fritz Peterson on Fritz Peterson's "Missing Cards" Traded card. So we'll call the Biittner version an "error" and the Peterson version "correct." (If this was 1991 and we were at a card show, fathers would knowingly pull the Biittner error version from the stack and quiz their kids on who was pictured, a la Aurelio Rodriguez's 1969 rookie... Here's to you, Leonard Garcia, card nerds love you more than you will know... wo wo wo...)

Peterson was on his last baseball legs by the time 1976 rolled around. With his best years behind him, Fritz suffered six no-decisions and three losses before Cleveland unloaded him to Texas in exchange for Stan Perzanowski, a young, decent pitcher on the 1975 Texas staff whose career fizzled in Cleveland and ended after the 1977 season with the White Sox.

Fritz didn't fare much better in Texas, appearing in just four games, ending his career on June 19th with a no-decision.

'Sup

Harold Reynolds, 1989 Topps

'Sup girl.

Me? Just hanging out by this fence, takin' it all in, letting the sun wash over me. What camera? Pfft. Didn't even notice it. Yo man, get outta here with that mess! For real ... a baller can't even smile handsomely along a fence these days without some paparazzo trying to snap a pic. It's crazy out here in the 8-9.

So whatchu drinkin' on? Oh yeah? I like that, I like that. So yo, check for me later. I'll be out in the field. I'll be the one with the golden glove, so don't let it blind ya', okay? Alriiiiight.

Oh, and they call me H.R. But somethin' tells me you already knew that. Winks. Holla.