The One, Frighteningly Emotionless Mood of Jason Kidd

Some photos are just too good to be true. Like Sam Mitchell in a hard hat resting a sledgehammer on his shoulder. Also, he’s decked out in an early-Nineties T-Wolves sweatshirt. I would bet that the Minnesota front office wanted this photo to scream ‘the T-Wolves care about the community.’ Instead it takes turns screaming ‘PR-firm photo-op’ and ‘alternate photo for 16-month calendar aimed at helping teenage boys decide if they’re homosexuals’, which actually would make a better calendar than ’12 Months of Jason Kidd’.

At least NBA stars in possibly-gay fantasy situations would have unintentional comedy built into the premise. I'd bet you’d be ready to ditch the ‘Many Faces of JK’ after two months. There’s just no comedy there, not even in a he’s-just-a-little-too-scary-weird-frightening, no-emotion kind of way. Even if you made Jason Kidd dress up in possibly-gay fantasy getups and pose him in possibly-gay fantasy situations, he would still look a little too scary/weird/frightening (take your pick), while someone like Mark Eaton, Tom Chambers or Hot Plate Williams could make it work. You know what I mean?