Depreciation: 2005 Cracker Jack #50Vladimir Guerrero

Vlad looks like he’s cruisin’ for a bruisin’. Either that or Jody came back a changed man after shooting Flag. Seriously, who green-lit this card? Guerrero looks deranged, and that low brick wall isn’t helping matters any. Did he just climb out of a public fountain? Or let loose on a steeplechase? Why isn’t he holding a bat, a glove, a ball or any base-ball-playing equipment? This is one of the most unflattering photos I’ve ever seen on a card, and this is how Topps wants to commemorate the reigning AL MVP? By making him look like he just staggered out of Shaun of the Dead?

I swear, sometimes I feel like Topps just doesn’t care; like they’re on deadline and they’ll be goddamned if they have to look over any more photos of Vlad smiling, kissing babies and hitting home runs. It’s pathetic.

Dammitt, Topps! Don’t you get it? Another shit niche set like this and you’ll have run the hobby down a long, dark alley; out of which it’ll have a hard time finding its way. You gotta run a tight ship; no more of these head-scratching bullshit photos of guys looking like they climbed out of dumpsters. I know, I know, I’m being harsh, but it’s for your own goddamned good. Now now, stop crying…buck up! C’mon, let’s go make fun of Donruss for a while. That’s the spirit!