The Fantastic Cards of the Day

First of all, I love that this set is called Milk Bone Super Stars and that they were inserted into dog treats. Second, I love that the pack I got contained Joe Girardi and Matt Young, two bona fide super stars.

One thing’s obvious: just because they’re baseball players and they’re supposed to be tough (and Joe Girardi’s face is definitely one only a mother could love), they’re not impervious to the charms of a dog. In Girardi’s case, it’s Nikko, his Bichon Frise, who “is a great pool player and likes to run around with the laundry.” Do you think Joe wrote that himself? Also, the photo is classic: Joe and Nikko like a hip Nineties version of Burt Bacharach and Dionne Warwick…or maybe, could Nikko really be a homemade Muppet? Joe is positioned in such a way as to suggest his hand is controlling Nikko’s mouth…

Perhaps the most disturbing part about Joe and Nikko is that Nikko seems fixated on playing pool. Do you think that Joe maybe invited teammates over to shoot a little pool, either with partners (him and Nikko against all comers) or, perhaps worse, to have a laugh while he scares the shit out of his poor little Bichon by shooting pool with him on the table? That would explain why Nikko likes to run around in the laundry–he’s trying to get the hell away from Joe Girardi and his maniacal pool cue. Or maybe not, I mean, they look like they get along.

As for super star Matt Young, what’s better: Matt’s maybe white/maybe stonewashed blue jeans and conservative faux-Hawaiian shirt or the expert airbrushing job on his action shot in the lower left hand corner? If it were up to me, I would go with the expert airbrushing, which is much better than any of the card companies. I’m guessing this set was either created by a card company or Milk Bone/Nabisco’s advertising agency. I say that because an ad agency would’ve hired their artist directly from an art school or a freelance illustrator, while Topps, on the other hand, seemed to favor hiring those who learned their trade airbrushing kittens on oversized t-shirts at so many boardwalks, carnival midways and tourist traps.

By the way, the closest Young ever came to being called ‘Cy’ was if he mistakenly responded to his wife calling the dog.