This is the American flag. But it is also a baseball card.
You can tell it’s a baseball card because of all the America on it, not because of the
baseball, which is invisible.
Score, the company that created this American flag card—this
Ameriflard—was not going to stand idly by and let the flag speak for itself.
Nor would it utilize the back of this card to list the statistics of the most American baseball player (this guy, obvs) or of America
herself (DID YOU KNOW? America
was signed by scout John Hancock after posting a perfect WAR in 1776). No.
Score was going to play an active part in the effort.
1991 Score
Score’s mom:
Score? Are you asleep in there, honey?
Score: (dressed in pajamas and night cap, kneeling
by bed, which is covered in bald eagle sheets) Not yet, Mommy! Just praying
for world peace.
Score’s mom: Good
boy. I’ll bring up some milk in a minute.
Score: WARM IT UP
FIRST THIS TIME, DANG.
Guys, let me make something clear: I love America.
Truly I am blessed to have been born here—I doubt I’d be able to have a non-job
contributing to a baseball card-based blog in, say, Micronesia—and I revere our armed
forces. This is the truth. But also: what
is this card?
I had originally written a more serious post attempting to
explore this topic—paying homage to our troops in ridiculous, self-serving ways—and
ran it past Ben, who shed some light on the history of baseball card companies’
military complex. The dialogue made me feel as though I shouldn’t curtail my
first instinct at viewing this card again, which was: make fun of this.
As Ben pointed out, Score could have put some real effort
into this, and made cards for soldiers, generals, or anyone on the
front lines who could have become an identifiable face of the war effort for
young kids. Instead they stuck a flag on the front and, on the back, claimed
that they, Score, a subsidiary of Pinnacle Brands, was praying.
I can’t decide if this card is a Veteran’s Day mattress
blowout sale—a marketing scheme masked as dignified patriotism (and, in this
case, devout spiritualism)—or a moderately genuine but completely lackluster
attempt to give a nod to our troops. Either way it sucks. That is all.
