July 02, 2014

The Pleasure Principle


 Ricky Wright, 1987 Topps

Here is Ricky Wright. Here he is again:



Now, I know what you're thinking: What was the exact date that catcher Wes Westrum caught three fouls in one inning?



"Wait," you say, "that wasn't the date I was thinking. I feel like maybe West Westrum had accomplished this feat before, no?"



So yes, this baseball card has an EDITOR'S NOTE relative to a tidbit that is not at all relative to the card itself. Maybe we can talk about Ricky Wright, whose likeness and personal information provide the foundation for this Ricky Wright baseball card. Here he is again:



Now, I know what you're thinking: Ricky Wright sure looks like he could use some pleasurable time. How does Ricky Wright spend his pleasurable time?



Ricky Wright: (strums guitar) DAMN this is pleasurable.

Ricky Wright's wife: (from adjacent room) Whatcha doin', honey?

Wright: Awww, you know me - just enjoying some pleasurable time.

Wife: You know, I was thinking ... why don't you make your way over here and we can really enjoy some pleasurable time ...

Wright: (strums guitar) You makin' reference to intercourse?

Wife: (hangs head) Geez, Ricky. YES, I am referring to "intercourse." Thanks for taking all the playfulness out of it. Now get over here, please.

Wright: 'Preciate the offer, sweetheart, but I'm really trying to nail down this Creedence Clearwater rif. This is my pleasurab-

Wife: You know what, Ricky? You're always taking about your "pleasurable time" - your *** **** precious "pleasurable time." What about the six months every year you spend playing a little kid's game? Is that not pleasurable enough? What about MY pleasurable time, Ricky? Huh? WHAT ABOUT THAT? (slams door)

Wright: (strums guitar) B*tch done ruined my pleasurable time.

Wes Westrum: Ricky, can we talk?

Wright: Wes Westrum? What are you doing here? This is MY house.

Westrum: Listen, Ricky ... (sits on edge of futon, puts arm around Ricky) ... we all need some pleasurable time every now and then, no doubt. When I was playing, I liked to spend my off days gardening while humming show tunes.

Wright: ...

Westrum: But one thing I discovered? The best pleasurable time is true love. And I think you have that with whatsherface over there.

Wright: (strums guitar) Dang, you're right, West Westrum. How do you know so much about true love?

Westrum: Well, let's just say that TWICE I caught three foul balls in one inning.

Wright: ...

Westrum: ...

Wright: You makin' reference to intercourse?

Westrum: Yes.

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