July 02, 2013

The Spirited Play of Lenny

Lenny Dykstra, 1991 Score "The Franchise"

We've covered Lenny around here before, and ditto for The Franchise. So why I am posting this? Well, for one thing, I think Lenny kinda sorta looks like Mike Trout here, so this card is RELEVANT. Also, it's like, I don't know, should we STOP talking about Lenny Dykstra? Probs not, dude is always bringing the realness. But the true reason I wanted to post this card today is because:

Have you ever wondered, like SERIOUSLY wondered how the Philadelphia Phillies performed the amazing feat of going from last place in 1989 to a tie for fourth in 1990? Seems ridiculous even writing it down now, so many years later. Of course, much of this was captured in the famous Steven Soderbergh documentary, "Worst To Tied For Fourth: The Amazing Story of the 1989 and 1990 Philadelphia Phillies and What They Meant to America." Much of that doc dealt with the after effects of the feat, the shock waves that reverberate throughout baseball even to this day. But has anyone had the guts to ask HOW they did it? You don't just go from worst to tied for fourth overnight, unless it's like the very beginning of the season or there's some crazy parity happening. It's takes years, decades, millennia to go from worst place to tied for fourth place. So again, I ask, does anyone have the guts, the BALLS the openly wonder how this happened?

The Franchise has the balls.

A large part of the Phillies climb from last place in '89 to a tie for fourth in '90 was because of the spirited play of Lenny.

I want to make my OWN movie called "The Spirited Play of Lenny." Here is the script:

Lenny Dykstra arrives at Phillies camp shirtless, chewing tobacco

Lenny Dykstra: 'Sup DORK-wads, ha. Nice last place last year.

Rest of Phillies: (hang heads in disappointment)

Dykstra: Any of you DORK-wads ever dove for a ball in your whole life? (does somersault through a ring of fire)

Rest of Phillies: (ooh and ahhh)

Manager Nick Leyva: Put that fire out! Where the hell did that even come from? What's going on here?

Dykstra: 'Sup Manager ... (squints to pretend to read name tag that isn't there) ... DORK-face.

Rest of Phillies: (snicker)

Leyva: Well, well, I see Mr. Dykstra finally decided to join us. Heard about you, son ... about your untamed attitude. Also heard about your spirited play, which I was hoping would rub off on some of THESE dork-wads ...

Dykstra: Oh you mean like THIS? (dives into fence head first)

Leyva: Uh, yeah I guess.

Dykstra: Well TOO BAD. I don't play like that anymore, Skip. Heart's not in it. Left a broad behind in New York. She died or whatever. Not really, but kind of. Might as well have.

Leyva: What does that ... what? Doesn't matter. Listen Lenny - we brought you here for your spirited play - we need you! We had high hopes for this season ...

Dykstra: Oh yeah? Like what - sixth place? Pfft.

Leyva: Lenny, I - gather 'round everyone. I was gonna save this for later but what the hay. Lenny, to answer your question, no. We're not thinking sixth place. We're shooting for the stars this year, son. We're thinking - I'm gonna tell you guys this right now - we're thinking FOURTH PLACE, dang it!


Leyva: Am I? WELL SO WHAT? I believe in this team! I know we can do it! Fourth place is the goal, and I don't care if we have to share it. There, it's out there now. THAT'S the goal, and we can't do it without you Lenny ...

Bunch of scenes where Lenny's not playing spirited, team still in last place. Then he meets a broad who slowly but surely starts to make him forget about the not dead broad he left behind behind in NY.

Broad: Well then go ahead! Get out of here. And keep playing unspirited baseball! See if I care ... (cries)

Dykstra: OH YEAH? (turns around dramatically) WELL SEE IF I CA- (attacks her with kisses)

(they have sex)

Dykstra: (after sex) You know what ... ... ...

Jillian: Jillian.

Dykstra: You know what, Jillian? I think you're rekindling my ... my ... my spirit.

Montage of Lenny playing spirited baseball, diving and getting dirty. Montage also includes scenes of Phillies moving up in the standings; montage stops when they reach fourth place. Movie ends.

Fiesty, with plenty of spunk,

I'm going to go back and rewrite the script to include the fiestiness and spunk, so don't worry.


troy said...

Right. First comes her rekindling his ... spirit. Then the ... uh, spunk. OMG I'm so sorry.

mkenny59 said...

So funny, I was THIS close to going there, but did not. Thank you for carrying the torch, and don't be sorry.