April 03, 2013

Where's Waldos?

 Ryne Sandberg, Waldo Candies

I recently discovered that I have TWO of the four Waldo Candies baseball cards. This has been an unbelievable revelation that has changed my life forever.

We are going to piece this puzzle together DaVinci Code style. I have neither read that book nor seen that movie, but assume it's about putting together a set of weird baseball cards. Anyway, here is what we know:

Kevin Maas is one.

Ryne Sandeberg is another.

Kevin Mass and Ryne Sandberg are both white.

Unsurprising considering the Old English prose on these cards.

Waldo Candies is racist.

There are four cards in the set.

If one of the other two cards is Oscar Gamble, I will issue a formal apology.

I will not do that.

Here is an obstacle to our endeavor. If you Google "Waldo Candy Cards" my stupid blog is the first thing to come up. That means Waldo Candy Cards are not a very popular topic of conversation around the Interwebs, meaning it's unlikely we'll ever be able to discover who was featured on the other two cards.

HOWEVER, there's a glimmer of hope. And it comes from an unlikely source: a commenter named 69robster.

I'm sorry, 69robster, you've had "FIVE" of these cards? But the back of the two cards I own explicitly states there are only four cards in the set. Is it possible 69robster has the rare FIFTH Gospel Waldo Candies baseball card in his possession? Or should we be skeptical of 69robster? Something inside of my heart wants to believe 69robster and get to the bottom of this mystery, 69robster-style.

Does anyone know where 69robster is? We should probably find him first, and then take it from there. Does he even still have the cards he claims to have owned for "several years?" Or did he discover their value and find his buyers? And if so, did those men pose as buyers only to harm 69robster in an attempt to keep him quiet and the mystery of the Waldo Candies cards just that -- a mystery?

If you're out there 69robster, let us know you're alright, and that the establishment hasn't gotten to you. We love you, and we miss you.

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