January 02, 2013

'The Scrapbook,' Starring Hideo Nomo

Hideo Nomo, 2002 Fleer "2001 Scrapbook"

If everybody could please open their scrapbooks to the year 2001 ...

While you do that I will go around the room, examine your scrapbooks and provide comments.

William, nice work ... Kevin, your scrapbook is terrible, I hate it ... Marcus, it's obvious your mother helped you, and you are like 48 now so that is super weird ... I am tired from walking. Everyone else, whatever.

Now that you are at the year 2001, please flip to that most special moment from all of your respective lives that year -- the time Hideo Nomo threw a no-hitter versus the Orioles. Let us all take a few moments to examine our page and reflect on what that grand event meant to us and our families ...

Would anyone like to share how they organized their Hideo Nomo page, and possibly what they would change if they could go back in time 12 years ago? Marcus?

Marcus: Okay, well, I put a picture of Hideo Nomo that I printed off the Internet -- the Internet was really big back then, ya' know? -- and then I cut the edges like this with my scissors, so it looks all cool and crap. Then I added some flowers around the corners because I like flowers and figured maybe Hideo Nomo does too, since he's Chinese and they have a lot of flowers there, my mom says. Then I added the headline in orange highlighter, "Nomo no-no," which I actually stole from every headline I read that day.

Okay, decent. A few things. First, the Internet is still big. Also, Hideo Nomo is Japanese, so you are racist. Now, what would you change if it were even at all possible to change a scrapbook?

Marcus: Well, I would probably do something completely different because in retrospect, Hideo Nomo's no-hitter versus the Orioles seems like a strange thing to scrapbook. I mean, I wasn't even there, and I don't really like him all that much.

Get out. NOW.

Marcus: Also, I would change the headline to read, "Nomo no-no No. 2" because it was actually his second no-hitter! It would be awesome if the number two was "no" in Chinese. Wait, is it? Because then it would have said, "Nomo no-no No. no." Anyway, his FIRST no-hitter is recorded in my other Hideo Nomo scrapbook. That no-hitter actually happened on the same day I got married, and my wife is always joking with me like, "You scrapbook more about Hideo Nomo than you do about us!" Ha, ha ... at least she used to say that. Before the divorce. Before Carl. Anyway, there are more flowers though in this scrapbook because this no-hitter happened in early spring, and in fact, it's the earliest no-hitter of the cal--


1 comment:

Bill said...

I think you have elevated "Marcus's Scrapbook" into an excellent fantasy team name, or even internet community screen name, with this post.

Also, I hope it doesn't reflect poorly on me that I had to study the phrase "Nomo no-no No. no." for a good 15-20 seconds before it all made sense to me. To help others as dense as myself, the hang-up was accounting for that second-to-last "No." being short for "Number," you see.