November 28, 2012

Oldies But Goodies (For 1/2 Season)

Terry Kennedy, 1991 Score

Terry Kennedy the baseball player -- not Compton Ass Terry -- was an old farty farthead who took naps while watching golf and who would have been the oldest baseball player who ever lived were it not for his Giants teammate, Gary "Old Man" Carter.

For two old guys, the catching tandem of Gary Carter (36) and Terry (34) did very nicely, thank you, in '90.

I am 34 years old myself and let me just tell you --                                    oops forgot what I was going to say. THAT'S how old I am. Where are my pants?

Seriously though, where are my pants? Seriously seriously though, age ain't nuthin' but a number (h/t Aaliyah or Mary J. Blige, one of them), and what really counts in the big scheme of things is craftiness, which is an intangible possessed by old people who are too freakin' lazy to exert physical effort.

Together, these two crafty catchers

It's a darn good thing these two elderly men did not try to outcraft each other. CRAFT-OFF!

Carter: Hold on there, rook. Let's work smarter, not harder. Might want to decide at what angle you want to get that couch out the door before you go thrashing it around like that. You're gonna throw your back out.

Kennedy: Listen, old man. Why don't you go check that paper over there. I already diagrammed the degrees at which we need to pivot to get this beauty out the door and into her new home. Took me all night, not that you would know, since you fell asleep watching "Matlock" ... AGAIN.

Carter: First of all, I was just resting my eyes. Second, not really sure I need to check a diagram from a guy who can't even pick an absent-minded rookie off first.

Kennedy: I don't make the calls, Gary the Elder, I just do my job. Rook was out by a half-step at least. You know it, I know it.

Carter: Welp, if you had spent any of your, what -- 14 years in the bigs? -- developing any kind of rapport with the men in blue like a good catcher should, you might have gotten the call.

Kennedy: Are you going to help me with this couch or what?

Carter: I was thinking -- it might be easier to take the door frame off ...

totaled 30 years of experience.

I just don't think "zero dropoff in experience between starting and backup catchers" is something general managers are targeting much these days, to everyone's great chagrin. Personally, I hate when my favorite team removes it's old catcher and inserts a younger catcher or vice versa. Even medium-age catchers are like, eh.

Best of all,

This is the best part.

Carter batted .302 and Terry hit .281 by mid-season.

That was the best part of ALL of this. That Gary Carter hit .302 and Terry hit .281 "by mid-season." What happened after mid-season? Don't know; doesn't matter. It's not the best part. The batting average by mid-season (BABMS) of two absurdly old catchers is what we're talking about here, nothing else. Now if you'll excuse me, I need to find my pants.

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