March 14, 2012

Juan 'Busy/Disgusto' Agosto

Juan Agosto, 1991 Score

I am too busy for an intro. Go:

Juan has been the busiest pitcher in the major leagues over the past three seasons as he has led everyone in appearances.

Far be it from me to question the busy nature of another person, but in 1990, Dave Stewart, who unhappily finished third in the Cy Young vote that year, pitched 267 innings. That same year, Juan Agosto, “busiest man in baseball,” pitched 92.1 innings. Granted, there was a lot of, (Monday) “Juan! Get out this lefty!” and (Tuesday) “Juan! I know you got that lefty out yesterday, but I need you to do it again today!” and (Wednesday) “Juan, warm up in case something happens! False alarm; we’re cool. Wait! Juan! Get out this lefty again!” and during this entire span of being busy, Dave Stewart has been sitting on his butt, “resting” from pitching (Sunday) nine innings of 3-hit ball in which his pitch count was 173. So who was “busier?” Impossible to say. Dave Stewart is the answer.

With only a month to go in ’90, he was ahead of the pack in both leagues with 68.

This is a reiteration of how busy Juan Agosto has been, in case you missed it the first time. Although this reads weird to me. Shouldn’t this read, “With still a month to go in ’90, he was already ahead of the pack in both leagues with 68”? I don’t know, maybe I’m over thinking the correct literary clarifications of Juan Agosto’s workload again. Nevertheless, just remember—the next time some jerkbag condescendingly asks you, “At the end of August of the year 1990, what pitcher led Major League Baseball in appearances?” you can easily shut him up in the face. Being able to answer those type of random, hypothetical trivia questions that no sane person would ever ask is what makes owning baseball cards completely worth it.

Okay, so we know that Juan Agosto, pitcher, pitched a lot. But the question remains: Did he know how to wear a hat?

Debatable. I have been staring at Juan Agosto’s hat for, pretty much, the entirety of the morning, and it just keeps getting bigger. It seems as though this hat was made with 50% more material than the average baseball hat, and Juan Agosto was just like, “Give me that hat. I’m too busy to consider other hats.” I don’t know, maybe I’m over thinking Juan Agosto’s hat again.

Anyway, what else? How about you, Wikipedia?

When he struggled pitching for Chicago, Agosto was often called “Juan Disgusto.”

Chicago wit. I mean, he was pretty much asking for it with a name like “Agosto,” which I often confuse with the word “disgusting.” I mean, in the defense of White Sox fans, if you can’t reserve your angst and wrath for your busy lefty reliever who posted a ghastly 3.87 ERA while with your team, then whom can you call “Disgusto?” Greg Luzinski? No. Although, I guess, “Greg Luzstinky” would work. Ha, ha … stinky.

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