Deep Thoughts, by Mark Portugal

Mark Portugal, 1989 Topps

This baseball game is good. I wish Skip would put me in. I thought we were wearing our turquoise blues today. I’m hungry. I haven’t eaten since before. That was a good shave I had the other day. This jacket keeps me warm when I’m watching baseball. I should buy a parrot. I just drooled a little bit. I don’t know where the sun went. The sun is weird. I bet ground balls give the grass owies. Fred told me we’re the Twins because the owner likes that movie. I don’t know if I believe him. You can’t own a baseball team. Fred. Fred. Fred. That name makes no sense. I wonder where music comes from. I hope nobody smells that fart. It wasn’t me though. If I weren’t a pitcher, I’d probably be a tractor. That guy just did something. I should cheer. I can’t move. Baseball is a good name for baseball. Mamma says the truck is broke. Someone’s gonna have to drive her to the flea market. I can’t. I’m here. My butt’s asleep. I wonder what it’s dreaming about. If that guy over there ever said anything to me, I’d say, “None a yer beeswax, fella!” The next time I pitch, I’m not gonna use my chest and see what happens. Last week in a team meeting I thought I was back in school and raised my hand to go make a wee-wee. That was funny. I guess. This would be a good baseball card. Me. Sittin’ here. Thinkin’ bout stuff. Watchin’ stuff. I’m hungry.